Secret Blog

My mom is in a hospital, she has a cancer, or at least a canceroid tissue in her mouth and now the doctors are examining her to see is the cancer harmful or can they remove it. This made me realise that it's very easy to lose someone you love and that we are really fragile. I never thought about this and what I would do when my parents die. We usually don't think about that usual thing, which happens to all of us, but when something like this happens, you simply don't know what to think. I always acted like they will be here forever, but we all know that's impossible :-( Even though I don't have great relationship with my parents due to my coming out last year, I'm very very attached to my mom and I don't know how would I handle if something happenes to her. Also, I didn't talk much with them the past year, but as soon as I found out about this, I started to change my mood toward them, especially mom :-( She is okay with me being gay and

I think it's about time I finish this post which I talked a lot in my breakdown post.  Long title, and I think it will be long post... On October 1st we were going out regularly in some random club on the river, me and my friends from neighbourhood (David, Lucy, Ben, Isaac, Johnny), and also there were a lot of other friend from my University. Cathrin, now David's girlfriend (and my good friend from University, my department) and Joanna, Cathrin's best friend, our great friend (also from my department), too... And during this summer and past year I came out to all of them... And I need to mention one more person - George... I don't know why I never mention all of them, I was busy by catching up to my stories from Budapest and to the story about Mike and Chris and I neglected my close friends, even though Chris became one of my dearest and closest friends, and that's another story... Which I will tell in the future, hopefully. So, George is a guy I met th

I feel down, I don't know why, I just feel down. I didn't finish my post about going to the gay club because I'm very lazy and irresponsible person and I always say that I will leave it for another day and then another day and another day and I never finished it even though it's almost finished, I just wanted to put some pictures and I'm perfectionist, and I tend my posts to be perfect, which I shouldn't do, well at least not that much... I almost went to U.'s city tomorrow, I had plan to go on with his proposal to be "friends with benefits" and I disgust myself, how should I think about that.  I was convincing myself that I didn't have feelings for him and that it was only 2 months of crush, and that it wasn't nothing special, but I shoulda know myself better than that, I get really attached to people, and I start liking people a lot, which is a huge problem, and it lasted like month and something of "cool-stone-like" p

Just a small update, I'm going to a gay club in couple of hours. The full post about first two times will come soon. Tonight is a Lady GaGa night and it will be a lot of people. Cant wait. Love ya all.

He's arriving soon :)))), I can't fucking wait... About 1000 people already said "attending" on FB... I will try to be in front row, I love this man... He's a legend :)

Past week was my return to University, classes have started and I feel okay, and I succeed to apply for third year without major problems, even though I'm a lot behind my classmates. And I enjoyed a lot during classes, because I didn't think about anything else. And also, I'm happy because New Year's Eve is coming soon, and me and my friends are planning to go to Amsterdam, maybe. We are still searching for accommodation and for transport. And that is also keeping me busy. Can't wait... :) I won't speak a lot about U. and about after holiday time, because as I said before I was disappointed, because I didn't expect that U. will be the way he turn out to be. He was not ready for longish-distance relationship, and we were separated only by 2 hours drive with the train, one hour by bus. And later he even proposed me to be 'friends with benefits'. I just want to share one more stuff with the people from this blog. It's a good part of our relat

Pride day was cancelled yesterday because of security threats from hooligans and government sent a document which forbade the gathering to the organizers. But we all here know that it wasn't exactly because of hooligans, even though I think that it would be riots all around city, but I think that the government is glad because it was cancelled. I feel very sad and I don't like the comments of the minister of the police and people. But, I kinda suspected that it will be like this. And I know, I didn't end my summer post, well, I only left part with 'after' summer but this happened so fast and I need to update immediately. Me and U. were in some kinda of long distance relationship for a month and one month of texting after holiday and he broke up few days ago and I feel very sad, because it was really beautiful relationship (at least for me), but he was not ready and I kinda am disappointed in him, because I realised he wasn't the guy I thought he is, and h

It's less than one week until the fourth Pride in my country. First one was a disaster with blood all around (it was held 10 years ago), I don't have information did anyone die and the pride site is down right now so I can't check the info, but I know there was a lot of blood and that a lot of people was seriously hurt. Second one (2 years ago) was canceled because of security measures and some serious threats. Third (last year) was successful, but it was really poor and very very risky and it was followed by riots and gathered like 6000 anti-gay activists (and there was like only 1000 gay people on the Pride, half of them was politicians who was there only for political purpose). Also, the whole city was blocked, violated and now, in less than one week from now, the fourth Pride is going to be held... I'm following all the news and events which are related to the 'Pride' and I feel very sad with every comment I read or hear because I see how "my&quo

I can't help it, I must mention Jamey Rodemeyer on my blog... I suppose you all heard that he was a 14 year old gay boy who killed himself and that he was being bullied because of his sexuality. It is a really sad and not so rare story, but this one got attention because he was blogging about his suffers and he was searching for support and for comfort and you can't blame him for that, you only must respect him. I just started crying...... Jamey, Rest in Peace... I don't like when something like this has to happen so someone take action and notice something which is in front of them all the time. It's just so sad, and we people are so weak and so selfish. I'm deeply hurt by all this and I really hope that something will be done, because Jamey and all other people (not just gay, I mean all people) out there being bullied deserve that... I'm just thinking about (now, I'm being selfish) where would I be if I didn't 'close' myself and

I finished book few weeks ago and I decided to put a little review of my own here on my own blog. I followed Ricky's career not that much, only with tabloids and stuff, but secretly, because all my 'gay interest' and 'not-normal' stuff I did secretly. I saw rumors of him being gay and news about him getting children and all that we all knew through magazines and papers. And I was admiring him secretly. And then, accidentally I went to his site and saw that he 'came out' as a homosexual man and I was surprised and happy in the same time. It was somewhere around April or May of 2010 when I found out that he came out as a happy gay man and I was glad. Later, I found out that he published a book, somewhere around November 2010 and that is a time when my breakup happened and after seeing the cover and seeing it's a biography, all I wanted is to get that book somehow. And I did, I got some money and I bought book in August of 2011, it took me so much

Because I write really really long, sorry because of that, I really don't want to miss any detail, I will make this post really quick. It's just a night part of the previous post and the end of the whole holiday-summer story. Thanks for reading and following me ;) _____________________ We met up on the main road while I started going to the club where we met, and I saw him with his friend, the girl who fell from the table. Because I was drunk (and very hyperactive), I took them both to the club where our organization made party (it was an organization who brought us on the island and made the themed holiday with party everyday). The girl decided to stay a lil bit there, because it was full with the people from our country and me and U. went to my hotel after a while. I left my doors open and we entered the room. Because it was four of us in a room, it was apartment with two two-bed rooms with the separate doors, we went inside through balcony and I checked on Ivan,

Woke up totally unconscious was it really a dream or not… But I knew it was real and that U. is real. I couldn’t believe what I experienced the last night. I was having huge smile on my face and I woke up very happy. I couldn’t wait for 3 PM to come. It was our last day on the island and we were buying gifts for our friends who were back home… I was rushing David to hurry up because 3 PM was approaching so I can discreetly go. And I got bit mad on David because the first question after I woke up and he came to my room was: “So, did you have sex?” and I hate when people are like that, they only think about sex. Okay, I get it, he thinks about sex now because he didn’t have it for a long time, and the main reason he and Isaac came here on holiday is to fool around and to have sex and to hook up with a lot of girls. But I came here to relax and enjoy and I hate when he keeps asking me this, and he knows me. And I don’t run away from sex, but oh my God, people, that’s not the point an

When I’m drunk, I usually go from a place to a place and I’m very hyperactive, I can’t be in one place for much long, and I usually try to convince David and Isaac to go with me. (As for Ivan, we are not that close, even though I know him for 13 years, but we became quite close after this trip). And sometimes I’m mad at David and Isaac because I look at them as party breakers, and they are sometimes like that, being boring and grumpy. I can’t understand how they don’t have a wish to move a little from one place, but it’s their problem. But one night, I lost Isaac and later I’ve found him in some club where a lot of people from my country were. And I hugged him and we started going together to some other club, hugged. He was telling me about some girl he hooked up with and it was nice to hear that, because he’s in deep problem with a girl he likes, but she ditched him like six times, and he had some kissing issues (he confessed me that few days before this night and we talked a lot an

Today I got the book written by Ricky Martin entitled "Me". I opened my first credit card, but it's for Internet use only and when I got my first money, by working some job on TV, I ordered the book. I was so happy and excited when I saw it on my desk when I got home from an exam (and it came like in 5 days even though they told me it will be around September 14th), and there were some problems with my parents, cause the postman was like: "You need to sign here" and he mentioned police, dunno why (maybe some post business), and my dad was like very suspicious and asked me over the phone: "What the book is about?" in a way like he suspects even though I'm sure he doesn't know who is Ricky Martin, but I don't care. They are very old-fashined and they don't know a lot about Internet and ordering through Interned, so maybe that's why he was suspicious. We'll see tonight, when he gets back from work. I'm going to start to read i

Where to start… I don’t know. It was amazing. It was the best summer holiday in my life. I had everything, good company, great parties, and a great ending and it was simply - perfect. First few days I was bit down. I was going there with three of my friends, David, and two other one from childhood (I already named them Isaac and Ivan). And to be honest, I don’t know why I was down, I simply felt down. Isaac and Ivan have some tight and very stormy relationship even though they are neighbors. Ivan is a pathological liar (and on this holiday I realized why is he lying that much) and Isaac is very impulsive person and he can’t stand a lie. And I won’t bother you with unimportant details. After two days, the crazy parties started and I have rent a bike, so I decided to go around the island by myself and one day I did and I had great time. If I didn’t mention earlier, I’m a huge bike-freak and I love driving my bike. This bike ride made me feel really better. I was driving like 45

Before I publish post about my summer holiday, I would like to say a few words about Amy Winehouse.  I was deeply hurt when Mike told me she died. I had a huge respect for her, her music and her incredible voice, and even about her problematic and unique life. She was such a great talent and the person who does what she wants to do, and especially when it comes to music, she fucking loved to sing and I loved her music so much. I'm so sad because she ruined her with drugs and alcohol, but to be honest, her death wasn't big surprise. After the last concert she held, I was hoping that she will maybe get better and it was so sad to see her in that condition. And then while I was on my holiday I've found out she died. :( Rest In Peace Amy, fly, fly because finally you are free, find your peace... This is my favourite song:

IT WAS PERFECT SUMMER :) I can't wait to write more about it, it was simply amazing and unbelievable. 11 perfect days... Now I need to study a bit (yeah, back to reality :( ) but I will blog as soon as possible with more details ;) Thanks for reading and following... B. :))))))))) :D

While this is being published (I made it a scheduled post) I'm in a bus and I'm heading to Corfu, Greece ... I hope that I will have Internet there and that I will be able to blog about my trip over there. I'm going there with David and two other friends from childhood and neighborhood, who I didn't mention earlier, and let's make them the names right now. The first one will be called Isaac and the second one will be Ivan ... (Wow, please, don't ask me where I find the names for the characters for my blog :P, I just tend to leave the first letter the same as a real name, that's why they are sometimes weird and 'ancient')... I think the trip will be great, it will be relaxing, ti will be lot of parties and getting away from this city... I don't expect much and I don't expect it to be a life changing experience, I'm just in a need of holiday. See ya soon with new updates from Corfu... ;) Thanks for reading!

This post will be the ending of the story of my Budapest trip. I just wanted to finish it and then continue with blogging about new stuff going on in my life. I won't post one post per day spend in Budapest anymore, so this one will be a loooong post. Btw, all pictures in this and previous post are REAL and they are from Budapest and usually it fits the location where I was :) I would just like to mention that... Budapest - Day 7 - Wednesday, February 9th Today my friend who announced his arrival arrived, a friend from high school, and I clearly told Osman and Denise that he doesn’t know about my sexuality. In the beginning, I was glad he was coming, but later, he kinda disturbed my peace. I needed few more days to relax and to be on my own. But, who knows why this is good. Maybe I wouldn’t go home on time. We walked a bit around the city, talked because we didn’t see each other in more than a month and I was really surprised he came, but I like his recklessness. Even though w