But we became closer than we were before this trip and I'm glad because of that. He told me a lot of things that I didn't knew before and I was disappointed with him in past two-three days. He came out to be just like I always knew, but I didn't want to accept that (love is blind believe me). He's total jerk. He's so cute, adorable, but in his head he totally egocentric (even more I ever imagine) and so selfish and so want-to-use-people. He thinks that with his cuteness and girls liking him, he can have everything.
I was used by him, two times. I recently find that out. First time it happened on that party (read post Night with D.) where I brought Simone and all other girls with me. I thought that Simone started to kiss with him first, but later I discovered that D. started first even I already told him to stay away from her (I told him that I will try to hook up with her). Just for the record, both were drunk that night. Then second time was three days ago when I also brought Simone to some party at some house. D. asked me to bring her. And D. slept with her just for his selfish desire to have sex. His plan was to bring some girls and hook up with them. This was like some test for Simone, because I like her a lot and I noticed that he likes me too. I was trying to see will she go all the way with D. and she did. And just for the record, she's almost 3 years older than him and always tells me that "he's little jerk, kid, but he's so cute and good kisser, but still a kid". From that words and the tone she speaks about him I thought that she hate him. But after 4 glass of vodka she was in bed with him. That night was so depressing for me because her words and everything fall into water and my heart was broken again.
Tomorrow I talked with Simone and I told her everything, about my feelings and such. We talked also about the previous night.
And what about she-likes-me part? Well, that was true, she liked or likes me, and she admitted that to me when I told her everything, but the main problem is two things. First one, she has a boyfriend (she had it even when she was with D, she cheated her boyfriend with D.), and second problem is me, because I can't look at her the same way. She's so... I don't have or I don't know word, but so disappointing for me :( I feel so used and betrayed. D. is jerk, idiot. He didn't even send me txt or anything, and he's on another holiday right now. I'll see him in about a week, and I must see what he thinks about everything. Just for the record, he maybe doesn't know what Simone is for me, but never mind that, he's still jerk.
Comments are welcome; I need them to feel better :)
P.S. Dunno why, maybe because of jealousy or fact that I'm virgin with 18, I have enormous desire to have sex with a guy or girl, whatever comes first.
I noticed you changed your title heading to just bisexual from gay/bi. Anyway, I empathize with how you must feel. Some things in life just aren't fair. It may be a small consolation, but you're not the only one to feel this way.
ReplyDeleteThat sucks so majorly. I'm kind of glad that you figured this out without ever sleeping with D. If you'd done that you'd be in such bigger trouble. Shame about Simone though, mate. Maybe you can make up with her and at least be friends.
ReplyDelete@aek - Thanks for comment. I changed that cause I feel more bisexual (I like guys and girls) now after all this about Simone. That's kinda easier to accept, rather than say that I'm gay 100%... And it's good to know that I'm not the only one. I always knew that.
ReplyDelete@julian - I don't think that D. would ever sleep with me. And I'm still friend with Simone, well quite good friends, but I can't look at her the same way and I told her that and she understands. She's also bit shamed of herself, too, and she told me that she would never do that again.