Don't Ask, Don't Tell in my country and in the world

I've noticed that in these past few days a lot of people is talking about this Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in USA and to be honest, this policy is the basic policy for gays and „different“ people in my own country. It's not only for military, it's for everything, and it's so true. Like, no one, even if he/she knows obviously that you are gay/bi/different will never ASK, and a lot of people, because of homophobic situation will never TELL, even if they have secret life and a lot of experience in gay relationship and gay life. And as far as I understood, Obama prohibit this kind of policy in military. He basically said: "the gay is ok" :) Well done, Obama.

OK, here's a video, please noticed how did the military representatives reacted when he announced that the gay people can serve US military. They didn't applaud and I can say that they were burned from the inside cause of Obama's speach.

I was also watching this the whole night and I realised that the world isn't so ready for gay or LGBT people, and not only in my country. At all! Or at least the equality is only at the beginning of a process. I mean, the whole Africa and a lot countries in muslim world have death penalties. Like, if I would like to go to Dubai (and I would really like that cause the city looks amazing), I couldn't probably watch or try anything with any other man, cause maybe I would end up in prison or worse, I don't even want to think about that. And recently I have been told by a friend that even some catholic country (Uganda) is trying to make some law against gays which occurs death penalty.

What do you think about this death penalties for "different" people? I'm kinda scared cause it seems like we are living in Middle Ages and not in Modern Age.

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Welcome to the new people of blogosphere

As you can see, I've become quite often with the posts... :) I told you that I will change... I left my paranoia and my fear of someone finding out about me somewhere else and I think that I'm starting to feel more free with this blog, which is the whole point of it.

So, in the honor of that I would like to share a few new blogs with you (my amazing readers) :) I know that I don't have too much readers, and maybe the new bloggers won't get what they deserve (a lot of visitors), but at least I would make some effort. And one more time I would like to say thanks to the all readers who read my blog, that really means me a lot!

OK, here we go... I have only four new blogs for today and one blog of one person who we all know - Bob

Rendre Bleu (rendrebleu.blogspot.com) - A guy from Mexico who started his blog recently. He's trying to merge and handle his student life, his family life and his secret/closeted bisexual life. He's very good person and I think that his blog really deserves to be read. Take a look!!!

Being Bi in college (bi-but-why.blogspot.com) - Very interesting blog, also one bisexual who tries to live with his secret feelings toward his roomate/best friend at the college, and we all know that college life can sometimes be very „crazy“.

Thoughts of a gay teen (agayolive.blogspot.com) - Totally new blog from one closeted boy from Paris. He has only few posts, but the reading is very interesting. Wish him 'welcome' to the blogosphere.

Closet Jock Turned Actor (closetjockturnedactor.blogspot.com) - The brand new blog „born“ in January, the freshman in blogosphere :) Give him the warm welcome, he really sounds like nice person, former basketball player, and now he's an actor. Who knows where he'll end, maybe he'll become really famous :)

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Riding the Wave (ridngthewave.blogspot.com) - Bob, person who probably follows the most blogs of our blogosphere and who always have nice and supportive advices and comments. He really sounds like good person and I only want to express my gratitude to him through this small post. Maybe it won't change anything, but the point is to try to support each other :) Bob, thank you one more time for everything.

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Working out :)

OK, I decided to start working out harder. I mean, I am very athletic and my body is kinda nice built (I won't be modest about this, but I'm not perfect yet, and I plan to fix that. I do a lot of sport and it really takes some affect at my packs and body and I have the most amazing thing in the world, the fast organizme, I mean I can eat whole day and I simply can't get fat, thanks to my mom and dad :P). So from tomorrow, I'm starting to workout more harder and more organized, I even made some small plan of excersises.

And I will probably keep my record of body changing over here, so expect some pictures of me :) but not immediately and not for sure, I will try to post them after some time when I notice that there is some effect, I mean on the pictures 'before' and 'after' :).

That's all for now... :D Thanks for reading!

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Hot Dream!

When I woke up I realised that I dreamt a very very weird dream. You know how the dreams can be weird and full of unexplained stuff so keep that in mind when you're reading this post. =)

Of course, I don't know how it started and of course that I don't remember the whole thing, but I will tell you what I remember. Maybe this dream was the result of not masturbating in a long time (few days :P) because of exams... You will see why I'm saying this :)

It started with some road trip with two of my friends. The first one is my male friend who I used to hang out and we were good friends, but when he started to act weird towards me, our friendship was doomed :( The other person from my dream is my female best friend, and she knows about me, I mean I came out to her two years ago. I know that I should probably give them some name, but I don't have any ideas right now. So for now, the male-friend will be male-friend, and my best friend will be my best friend.

We were heading to some house and I don't remember the trip so well. But when we come to the house, it was pretty familiar, I mean, like I saw it somewhere and like I even was inside of that house earlier, still this kind of feeling is usual for some dream, but I can't explain it, the feeling was just too familiar. Creepy feeling. We were experiencing our trip we used to take when we were in school one more time.

And then, I realised that you can see one of the tallest building in my city from this place, even though it's impossible cause we were far far away. Still, I was able to see it and it felt amazing, I don't know why, but it was. Later that building turned into some other, and I get the feeling that it's the same one. Crazy stuff happens in dreams, I know :-)

When we entered the house, it became a hotel hall, we find out that we were the only visitors with some other random (and hot) guys... :)

The next thing - I am running through some field, hiding behind the barn like I'm frighten or something and I even think that someone is chasing me, but I really can remember who he/she was, and there were some children who were playing the ball and they looked scary (OK, I really need to stop watching the horrors with some creepy children-ghost shit, like 'One Missed Call', 'The Unborn' or 'The Ring' and that kind of movies :) ). Then the children disappear, and I returned into hotel and met with my male friend from high school and with my best friend in the hall. The male-friend was wearing only a towel and we walk down the hall near the room where the others random guys were staying. And then my male-friend throws the towel and the other random guy opens the door and he's also naked, and their "tools" were amazing :)! And then I entered into scared-of-finding-about-my-sexuality mood but I somehow entered inside the room and after some short time my male friend and the other guys were flirting and my best friend encouraged me to enter their conversation. But of course, I was too scared, first because of her being there and I didn't want to get naked in front of her (that was in dream, I thought that I need to get naked) and second cause I was too shy, don't know why. If something like that happens for real, I probably wouldn't hesitate, and I even had crush on that male friend for some short time, but nothing serious.

Then, I somehow ran out of the room and was going to take a shower and I took a shower :P with a lot of jerking off while I was in a shower, and it really felt good, like real thing, beside the fact that I was asleep. When I woke up, I was home alone and we all know what happened after waking up :-)...

P.S. From now on, the 'male friend from school' will be Josh, and 'my best friend' will be May!

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Hotie and S. problems :)

It's is the end of the exam time and now I have some small break... I finally can sleep normally and enjoy something other than my study books :) No matter how much you like it, you still need some break.... And I finally can finish the book I started reading two months ago, wtf!!! It never took me so long to read some book, not even boring ones.

Yesterday in the library, while I was studying for today's exam, I noticed a really hot boy who really made me speechless :P

I must admit that I was not so concentrated on the subject when he entered, but still I was forced to put my attention on the book cause I had exam tomorrow, but I peaked a lot in the direction of the boy. He was so amazing. I hope to see him more often when I go to the library, who knows.... :D I even wanted to take a picture of him and put it here, but it would be so obvious, so I didn't do anything.

And one more, kinda bad thing. Well, it's not so bad, but I felt really bad when I noticed that. S. is not saying "Hi" to me anymore, and one time when I told him "Hi" in the hall, he ignored me, or didn't hear, but still, I was in awkward situation. And today he only passed next to me and also didn't say hi, but maybe he did that because I was surrounded by a lot of people, so he didn't want to interrupt. Well, I know that I don't expect him to say hi to me all the time. We only talked, like, two-three times, but still, I felt more closer to him and more open to him while we were saying "hi-hi", maybe because I like him so much, and when he stopped saying "Hi" I kinda get back to the reality and I don't want that, I want that 'first step of friendship' :))) I want to watch him in peace, to be fascinated with his build and hot body,with his face and to have some "fake" friendship, cause I really like him, physically. Maybe it's good because this is happening, but you know when the heart and feelings tell you one thing and brain other. Now I feel like my heart is broken, but it's not so painful, like I'm only hurt a little, it's not exact feeling, but similar. Oh, yeah, I'm disappointed, that's the feeling, cause I was hoping to start some friendship with him, but now I realised that the friendship is not going to happen. And I get paranoid when I need to talk to him. I always think that he suspect I like him, so I feel so nervous when I'm talking to him, so that's the main reason why I don't want to make the first move all the time in "hi-hi" stuff. :D

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Dante's Cove REVIEW

Recently I start to watch Dante's Cove, the first gay TV Show I heard about. I mean, first I was surprised, cause I love to watch TV Shows and then I found gay TV Show and it has some really nice story, most of the time :P. Now I will write my little review. I will try my best not to put so many spoilers, so feel free to read it all.

First, I want to mention that I only watched two seasons of Dante's Cove, I didn't manage to find the third one.

The actors. One word – stunning. Charlie David, Gregory Michael and the others hahahah :P I love Charlie, and when I found out that he's gay, and living open gay life as a actor, I was so impressed and inspired. I mean, he's perfect. That hot body, eyes, his voice, that sparkly teeth, I don't know what else to say about him, he's gorgeous and perfect, I love his appearence. If I really really need to tell someone which is my type of man I would tell that it's Charlie David. I watch his other movie called 'Four Letter Word' and he was really amazing there even though the movie was bad. I didn't like it. I plan to watch that one which starts with M, something like Mullingans or whatever.

Then we have Gregory Michael who also acts in the GRΣΣΚ, and there he's also gay guy, bit odd, and he declares himself as straight. :) (something is not right if you ask me). But nevermind that, he's still hot, and with Charlie he makes all the scene look simply fantastic.

Than we have other actors :) A lot of hot guys, but I only have eyes for Charlie David and Gregory :) and a lot of hot girls... I'm so obsessed with Nadine Heimann, she's so hot, so beautiful that I think I would be able to look at her whole day. Her eyes and her lips and her teeth are so bright, positive, amazing. Her smile is so beautiful that I can stare at her forever. I'm telling you, this girl really is special. Perfection. I don't know is she lesbian in real life, but she's cute, sweet and I assume that she's person with great personality. Well it's kinda prejudice, but to be honest, I don't think that behind that smile can exist some bad and mean person.

The other main "femele" actor is Tracy Scoggins. I saw that she is 56 years old (wtf? OMFG?) but she looks like she's in the late 30s. I don't know how many plastic surgery she had, but it must have been A LOT! Her face looks like it will pop if she makes too big smile and her neck is disgusting. Why did she do that to herself? I mean, if you are old, you are old, face the facts and be yourself, you don't need to make yourself so fake. It's okay to do a small surgery if you are not satisfied, but when it's too much, it is too much. Maybe if she didn't touch anything, she would look more beautiful than this. She looks like some plastic doll, and there is nothing natural on her anymore.

Ok, I'm finished with the phisical look of the my main protagonist of this show. Now we come to the story and to the acting and to the SEX.

I'll be direct and honest. Actors seem like amateurs, I mean, in some situations, you can't really tell when they are trying to make the effort not to ruin the scene or they feel stupid cause the scene is stupid (so they don't know how to react). I mean, in some point, it really doesn't look like serious show, and the acting is kinda retarded. It could be better. They are not one with the story, and sometimes it really doesn't look like that they really mean what they are saying. The only one who are really really nice in this are Gregory Michael and Tracy Scoggins, maybe because they are talented (Gregory) or had experience (Tracy). I don't know is it because of talent or experience, but Nadine doesn't work it well. Neither the Charlie :( in some scenes. And now we came to the other part of this „review“. The story...

The story is interesting, but kinda crappy, the directors could make the script first and then start filming. There is a lot of holes in the plot. I have impression like they wrote only few episodes and then they start to pounding nonsenses and it ruined the show. And well, of course that I don't like the change of filming location, the location from the Season 1 (Turks and Caicos Islands) was amazing and was way more better than from Season 2 (somewhere in Hawaii), and this also ruined the show, cause we was used to first one and then suddenly (or magically, who knows, in this show everything is possible :P) it turned into something totally different and totally opposite, and worst of all is because they wanted that fact to be ignored. The first location looked kinda more realistic, and the place was spookier than this Hawaii place. I recently read that it's somewhere near Lost filming place, nice... :) they should learn something from Lost directors and Lost cast. That show is PERFECT! and even if they had 5 Seasons, they didn't ruin the storyline.

One more bad thing is the people who live in this place. I get the impression that on the „island“ which is called Dante's Cove exist only 10 people, it's so empty, like there is no cars, there is no passengers, only main actors and that's all. They have some bar and you only see 10 people who are chatting and making scenes. It looks like some low-cost movie.

I even found one clip where Charlie David talks about „holes in the plot“ and all the fails of the show... Well, at least they are honest that the show isn't so good... And like the speaker said: it's so bad that it's good LOL :D...

And this show beside romance is called thriller and horror :) hahahaha, that's so funny... This is comedy because of all the fails, but still it's kinda worth watching and here's why... The main reasons why you SHOULD watch this show is sex scenes and the story about love. Sex is the only thing which is done perfectly, without exposing the genitals of main actors :D The scenes are really hot, sensual, makes you get hard ;), sometimes even sweet and cute.

All in all, it reminds me of some mix of amateur softcore porn and lame storyline which in the end is crappy but you watch it cause the cast are amazing and because you never watched something like this.

And for the end, something the most UNBELIEVABLE thing in the whole show. What are the odds that there is some island like that where everybody is gay or lesbians. I mean, I know for some, but only during summer and only in some periods of time, but in this show, I don't think that there is any straight person, only gays and gays and everything is so gay... It could be more realistic, for god's sake... But if really this place exist, please tell me right now, I will move there instantly... :) without thinking, it's probably called Heaven, right? :D

Just kidding... You have my warm recommendation to watch the show, but be aware that it's crappy :)

Thanks for reading! Leave your comments on the show, I really want to hear your opinion and of course, if you know any other similar show (but I doubt that) please write it down... ;)

And here's a trailer for the Season 1:

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My antigay friend and exams

For my first post on new blog URL I would like to talk about my friend who is antigay but I honestly think that there is something more behind that, something gay to be precise.

Let me explain!

Well, I first met him about a year ago, we were applying for the same Uni and we went to some preparations for the entrance exam (something like SAT in US) and so we formed a group of about 6-7 people, and we still hang out from time to time at the University. He's a good person, bit weird. When I say weird, I mean that he has some different views on the world and acts bit weird, but you get used to it eventualy. And did I mention that he's antigay, I mean, he openly comments a gay person on the street. I mean if we see some feminized guy walking around, he would say something like: „Look at that faggot! I hate them“ or something like that, you get the point. And when I say that he comments that, he does it as a lot of anger, like they (we) are some disease.

But on the other hand, if I don't know him and don't hang out with him, and just watch him on the street, I would without doubt say that he's gay and here are the reasons. He's kinda too emotional, he always notices the details or what someone is wearing, always hang out with girls, on Facebook always writes some emotional stuff about love, about perfect one, about how life is hard (yeah, it sounds emo, but he's not emo LOL). The way he acts, the way he talks, the way he dresses makes him more gay than other guys. And above all he ALWAYS, but ALWAYS notice and spot gay on the street, and he must comment how he can't stand them, how they look like, how they walk, how they are retarded etc. I mean, I hear a lot of people doing that every day and I kinda find it okay, I mean, they (we) are not so popular „species“ in this country, but still, HE ALWAYS does that, without exeption. I think that he's maybe sexually confused or even gay/bi/bi-curious and tries to convince himself in opposite by doing that. He tries to make him hate his own kind. It's okay if you don't like it, but still, he comments in such a weird way, like he wants to make himself to hate them even if he don't, and he is ashamed of that, so he express that in this weird way. And one more thing, lol, this is so funny. Gay people always make first move on him at some parties. I know for three cases when a gay made a first move and asked him is he gay. He told us that!

What do you think about this? He's very interesting for me. I mean, I'm not attracted by him, he's so not my type, but yet, I find it interesting watching him and his personality. I never tried to talk to him about this (only through jokes, but that didn't help) and I don't think that I will ever try something like that, but still I will continue to watch his behaviour and try to figure is he or is he not a „different“ person :)

And my finals are doing great, I finished with 7 exams from 9, only two more to go. All will be finished at the end of this week. I don't know the results yet, but I think that I done a great job :) Some of them was really hard, but I managed to do my best.

The only result I know is from my major. This was really hard exam, we had two test, one in the form of the test, and second, when you are interrogated by the professor and I got really good mark. Only two marks below the maximum, which is great for this professor. And I was one of the 10 people who passed this. He is really strict, but posses great knowledge, has PhD in his profession and I can freely say that he's the best professor I even had.

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Changing the blog URL

I decided to change the URL of my blog. I was thinking a lot about this and I realized that Hypnos is kinda weird and not so usual name, and it sounds childish. I'm turning my blog into something serious and something I hope something more interesting for readers, so I want to SOUND serious... I will start to blog about serious stuff from my life and I will try to be honest, because I feel that I finally start to feel free and ready to start talking about more intimate stuff.

Thanks for reading...

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An update

Nothing much to say, I'm kinda getting to short with the days until the exams, the examination starts two days from today and I have still to repeat one whole book, but it only has about 100 pages so it's not so big deal and it's full of pictures :)

This past week was so hard and I hope that everything will be fine with the exams, we'll see...

That's all for now,
See ya...

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Boredom and New Year's Eve

Life these past few weeks is kinda so boring and so same. I mean, I go to the lessons, I go back home, study, hang out with my friends, then go to sleep, then wake up, study and then go to the University again, and so on and on and on.

Right now, I'm on the break with the Uni, because I'm studying for the exams. Here the education system is kinda different, I think that this exams are kinda similar to American midterms, or maybe not, but all in all, you need to study because you can't pass this year if you don't pass this exams. I have 9 exams (subjects) to prepare and it's kinda too difficult, but I think that I will manage (somehow) :P

Now, a quick review of my New Year's Eve. It was a disaster :D I went in some club with my best friends. We got drunk and I end up kissing and making out with some girl, I think that her name was something with an E, I don't remember her at all, well it's all foggy, she was slim and had hot body and my friends make fun of me cause she was bit unattractive in the face. I shouldn't drink so much, but it was New Year and I was with my friends, we were celebrating. At the end, I somehow got her number in my phone and somehow we manage to go out of the club and we end up in our neighborhood. I never called her or even sent her a message, cause maybe I'm a coward or I was influenced by the opinion of my friends about her, so I just forgot about her. Night was crazy, but nothing special. The next day I was forced to plan my study program, cause I had only 14 days until the exams (now it's only 8)... Oh shit!!! :D

OK, that's about it for now. Take care...

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NEW CRUSH

OK, there is a new guy, who is kinda exactly like D. in physical looks, and way better person than him. I'll call him S. His name starts with S. and I'd really like to tell you his name, but I can't, you know, I'm kinda too paranoid, but maybe I'll become more free in telling you some stuffs in the future when I get relaxed and when I learn how to open myself completely. On the other hand, the initials sound more mysterious.

So, let's go back to the subject, I'll call him S. I could write some fictional name, but I don't want to, the S. reminds me on S. like D. reminds me on D, so it will stay that way.

So, this guy is very cute, looks normal, very muscular, bit short but still awesome, and at first sight he's not egocentric maniac, like D. And of course that he's straight and has a girl-friend and a very long relationship (I think that they are about 2 years together) :D Yeah, I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Woohoo!

I noticed him one day when we were applying for the uni, in the main building and of course that I noticed him cause he was the most beautiful person there, and then I saw him the day when we were giving our documents and were signing in. And somehow we met, I don't know exactly how, one day while we were waiting for something with a lot of other people, all the people standing there met each other, cause we all were freshman year and we were lost in organization at uni, files and stuffs. Now we say "Hi!" to each other every day, and that's makes me really happy, and I don't need to watch him secretly, I can stare at him as much as I want.

The best thing of all this is that I didn't get so crazy and obsessed with him, like I was with D. Probably cause I have some experience and I'm older and wiser :P I can somehow control my feelings toward S. even though I really enjoy watching his pictures on the Facebook and watching him during classes which we have together. Of course, I do that in the way that no one can see and notice. But, these days I was thinking about my behaviour, I mean I think that I'm kinda suspicious to him, cause I noticed that he looks at me in a weird way, maybe he noticed something, or just maybe I'm becoming more and more paranoid. This closet shit makes me so paranoid, I hate it!

What will I do? Nothing, I will just enjoy in his appearance and that's all, say him "Hi" from times to time and I'll be satisfied. If he somehow starts deeper friendship than this, I will be so glad, and I'm kinda secretly hoping for this.

I don't know why I can't find some cute, gay, similar to me person. It's so hard, cause you know, the homophobic nation... I can't wait to go back abroad again.

If my exams goes well, I'll maybe try to travel somewhere during my Spring Break!

Thanks a lot for reading, looking forward for your comments.

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