RIP Jamey Rodemeyer

I can't help it, I must mention Jamey Rodemeyer on my blog... I suppose you all heard that he was a 14 year old gay boy who killed himself and that he was being bullied because of his sexuality. It is a really sad and not so rare story, but this one got attention because he was blogging about his suffers and he was searching for support and for comfort and you can't blame him for that, you only must respect him. I just started crying......

Jamey, Rest in Peace...

I don't like when something like this has to happen so someone take action and notice something which is in front of them all the time. It's just so sad, and we people are so weak and so selfish. I'm deeply hurt by all this and I really hope that something will be done, because Jamey and all other people (not just gay, I mean all people) out there being bullied deserve that... I'm just thinking about (now, I'm being selfish) where would I be if I didn't 'close' myself and camouflaged myself into my homophobic society and environment and stayed 'unnoticeable'. The camouflage and 'closing' was only my way of dealing with thing, until I felt that I'm ready to confront the world, which I already started, but I'm going slowly and carefully because I'm not sure am I completely ready yet... We humans are really fragile and precious things and a small word and a simple act can really damage us hard... See what happened to Jamey... But also, the small word and the small act can also make us so happy and so full of love. We must protect each other and take care of each other, that's the key to the perfection. That's the key to the Love, not Hate.

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Budapest, here I come...

After everything, all drama, everything that happened, I feel like I’m choking and like I will slowly go insane. I screwed my exams, my relationship with Mike, my relationship with parents, everything. I feel so down and what I will write right now it’ll probably sound childish, reckless and like run away from problems, but there’s nothing else I can do. I was thinking about this a long time ago, and now, I planned everything and it feels like right thing to do, and the time is right, because of everything.

I can’t stay in this city, in this country, cause everything reminds me on Mike, I’m torturing my parents and I’m slowly dying mentally, because like I said million times before, I feel like a stranger.

I talked with my parents, I was thinking about this long time ago, to go somewhere, to clear my head, to start MY own life, to be free, to be myself, to fulfill myself.

They gave me their bless, I even found some job opportunities and in exactly two days I’m heading my way to Budapest, Hungary. And yeah, I'm putting that in public here, I won't be that mysterious like last time I went to some journey in April.

I had a chat with Chris once more, after everything, yesterday and the day before yesterday and we cleared things out, not everything but we had a nice chat. He was outraged that night and dunno what to think, about him, about Mike, about everything. I feel like naïve and very giving-myself-too-much person, because I consciously was dragged into all this, because this what I felt for Mike it’s unique, I’m aware of that, and I wanted to try anything (and when I say anything I mean anything) just to be there for him, to help him and to be next to him, I still love him no matter what and I care for him more than you can imagine, but it is impossible to be there next to him and my heart hurts like it never hurt before. I don't want to torture Chris too, because he's too possessive person, and that's how he'll make new problems for Mike and torture him more. I'm putting myself aside and I will pray and hope that Mike is alright. It will be hard, but it will be probably better far away from them, so I don't get into temptation to call them, to hear from Mike. I will have new life and new obligations, new people and new meaning. And one day, if I ever get over Mike, I know that it will be so hard and it will take a lot of time, cause I simply feel like this, 6 months after the breakup. Nothing changed, my feelings are the same, they didn't change even a tiny lil bit.

Thank you so much for reading, for all your comments, for everything, every single word on my blog, in your comments, in your emails means a world to me.

I simply love this blog.

Here’s one song for you, which is filmed in Budapest, very beautiful city. I love it! Enjoy!

Stay tuned, cause I won’t leave this blog, can’t wait to start my new adventure somewhere else.

Budapest, here I come! :)

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