Holiday, Girls, School and Dream about D

Yesterday I was in travel agency and I booked my flight to some island for the summer. I will go to some island in Europe. Well, never mind that, I’m going at that island with some friends and I will use that time to relax, to find out am I gay or bi or sraight or I don’t know what :) I’m going to go there somewhere at the end of July and the beginning of August and I’ll be on island for about 10 days. I can't wait. Simply, I feel that it will be awesome time... :)))

I god an A on biology test and I’m finish with biology, I won’t have biology never again in my life :( cause soon the high school will be over. I also got an A on first part of test in philosophy, the second part is somewhere in May. But I like philosophy, so that’s not a problem.

Soon, as I said, I’ll finish school and went to university, I already applied for one, and I will have enrolling test somewhere in June, so I will know will I be there or somewhere else. I can’t wait. I’m bit sad, cause I won’t see my classmates so often as now, but what can I do, that’s life. I will do my best to stay in contact with a few of them, the ones who mean a lot to me. If it is/was true friendship, it will last, in other way, it won’t and I must accept that as it is. Life is sometimes hard, but what the hack. I’m always optimistic :)

Now, a few words about sexuality part. I’ve noticed that I’m right now in some straight phase. I notice girls more than boys right now, and the most surprising part is that I think that I feel something about my classmate (girl classmate). I had never watched her on that way, but now, I don’t know is it because of that we are leaving, or I don’t know what else, but she looks kinda cute to me. We were together for one time, but it was one night thing only and it was while we were drunk at some party, but I must admit that from that night, I didn’t look at her on the same way. We are quite good friends, and we even make jokes about that night, but something is different and I can feel that she feels the same, or maybe I’m wrong. We’ll see.

Oh, yeah I almost forgot. I had a dream about her last night. To be honest, I had several dreams just in one night o_0. It was really scary. First some nightmare, then some party dream where I even dreamed of D. And that mustn’t happen again, it simply can’t! And the weirdest thing of all is that he was in exactly same shirt today as in my dream.

Thanks for reading,

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Party, cuties and a DREAM

Party was nice, nothing special. There were a lot of my friends and I had a good time, but still nothing special. I was bit drunk and I must admit that I enjoyed a lot in that. Also I must admit one more thing. I love to dance with girls when I'm drunk, like that I don't watch boys so much, even dough there were a lot of hot boys. I love to party in my city, our city is very famous about that and the parties are just crazy. I have finally unstressed myself after 3 months :) But as I said it was nothing special, there were too many people, very crowded, but as I said I was bit drunk so I didn't care :)

The next interesting thing happened yesterday while I was downtown. While traveling to the downtown by bus, I saw one hot guy and he stared at me a lot. I must admit that I was embarrassed a bit because it was uncomfortable, he stared a lot, I could feel his eyes on me, and I just notice that, I didn't have a time to stare at him back, because I'm acting straight, so I held my view down or outside the window. But he was really hot.

And then when I was coming back to the place where I live, I also saw another guy who also starred at me and when I took off the bus, I saw that he even turned his head to see me again o_0. He was also hot, even hotter that the first one and I could even stare at him (of course, I stare when he was looking through the window). Two times in one day. WTF? I don't know did I have something on me or what. I was normal, like any other day when I go to the downtown. I was very surprised, and if I'm 'out' I could even date with these two guys. Well, the first one was bit skinny, but the second one was just perfect, but he was about 24-28 years old.

And now, when I went to bed and when I woke up, I was totally surprised by what I have dreamed. It was so real and the picture of dream isn't blurring at all. I remember it all, even the details.

First, I went into some apartment and there I was at some gay party. I was invited, dunno by whom. It was kinda weird and I know that I was so scared, cause I am still closeted, but I somehow knew that no one will recognize me, and I felt somehow invisible - I just watched party while sitting and drinking on some sofa. I didn't make out with anybody, but I watched some guys having sex in the bathroom, I think. OK that's bit blurry :)

And then, I don't know how it happened (you know that happenings in dreams are fast, not so real and always confusing after you woke up, but while you dream, it seems completely normal). Ok, I don't know how it happened, but I think that some guy was killed (I didn't know who, I just noticed that everyone was running and screaming) and then police came in the blink of an eye. This was the moment which scared a shit in me. They put all the party people into one room and held some press-conference. So fast o_0... I somehow wasn't put into the room, I tried to go out but the police was on the front door and I was just thinking that this will be in newspaper, everyone will know that I was at some gay party and that I'm 'different', my life is over, what will my parents say, what will happen with me. But still, one part of my body told me that it's not so bad. I don't know how, I wasn't that scared; I was just scared for one moment. Maybe I was aware that I was dreaming. Then I took courage to ask the person who was leading the press-conference. She was some blond woman from some TV show and I wasn't so surprised about her (well I was when I woke up)...

I asked: "Can I go home?" She simply said, while putting a hand over the microphone: "Of course you can" and nodded with her head. What is the chance that she will let someone go home and the murdered just happened? I was so happy that I can go home. When I was going to the front door, the police from the door was gone. And then the most surprising thing happened. Near the front door there were two of my friends from school, girl friends. They were not surprised for seeing me; they just went with me down stairs. I also felt fear for one moment, but after seeing them acting normal, I wasn't so scared. They didn't ask me anything and we went out of the building and I even know where that building was (in real life). It is somewhere in the city, near the center. We ran through the city and then, I don't know what happened, it's blurry and I don't know what was the moment when I woke up, but I know that I remembered a dream very well like you can see. I just can tell you that I was so relieved when I woke up and realize that it was only a dream.....

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