I was confused about my sexuality and right now I'm living in a very homophobic society. Through this blog I will find out where and to whom I belong. Stay with me...

Showing posts with label Hungary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hungary. Show all posts

Friday, February 18, 2011

Budapest - Day 1 - Thursday, February 3rd

February 18, 2011 Posted by B , , , , 3 comments
I arrived at Keleti Train Station somewhere around 3 PM and 4 PM. A friend called Den was waiting for me. If you are not familiar with term ‘couch surfing’ please visit couchsurfing.org or simply Google it. He was my first couch surfing experience and now you can see how desperate I was to go somewhere and to relax a bit. To be honest, this was very risky and very reckless move to do, because I accepted his hosting even though he and I don’t have any references in his profile, but he was the only person who accepted me, and I have sent a lot of requests. But you must start somewhere, right? However, I’m not that reckless, of course I have added him on Facebook (to see if he’s genuine, and he was), but you know that one: you can never know. So, after getting off the train, I send him a text saying that I arrived and he told me to come at the entrance of that huge station. I slowly started going there, and was making myself not to think about all the other stuff I was thinking during my travel to Budapest, considering Mike, considering fight with my parents, considering my crappy city I left behind, considering my education which I was about to drop out. I was going to Budapest with the thought that maybe I won’t go back.

Of course I felt scared, because you are stepping into unknown and I was also scared because of Den, you are meeting someone unknown and you need to spend like few days in his apartment and sleep there and simply be in stranger’s company for a few days. He could be a killer, he could be a rapist, he could be who knows what, but simply sometimes you need to trust people and to let go. And I was making myself do that, and that thought helped me move away all the other stuff torturing me. Now I had a new problem. In Den’s profile, he seemed like a nice guy and until the end of this whole story you’ll see that he really is a great guy. I was scared, but when I met him, he seemed totally normal and cool guy – with very bad English. I don’t say my English is great, but Den’s English was very very bad. For example, one time when we talked, he made only one sentence in half an hour. And I tried to help him, we talked a lot, I taught him some phrases (like: ‘nose is running’ and stuff) but I had hard time understanding him. But we managed and I enjoyed a lot in his company, no matter language barrier. He was also very cute with his iPhone and his translator while we were talking and I’m not saying this in a mean way, it was simply cute. Even though he’s 25, he seemed like a small child. And right now I’m experiencing a huge smile, because I remembered him like that. When it comes to his physical looks, he really is cute, has blue eyes (as a lot of Hungarians) and was well-built, but not my type of guy, if you see him, you can say he is beautiful, but simply, even though he is beautiful, you are not attracted by him. I mean, at least I wasn’t, beside the fact that he IS hot and cute.

After meeting, we went outside and for the first time after 3 years I saw Budapest once again. I felt free, I felt the chills on my skin (because it was cold and because I simply enjoyed that), I saw building, people, and everything was so unknown and so new. Den and me took a bus and come to his building, in his neighbourhood. Now, my second float of fear was coming, because I need to enter his building and then his apartment. I was scared, but I forced my fear away and I manage to enter his room. And everything was – okay. He got me a sofa where I can sleep. I met his first roommate (he lives with 4 guys) and then we chatted and hangout till we decided to go to bed. He really looked like a great guy. From that moment and on, I knew that I could trust him and I did.

After talk and realizing that I will have a trouble with fast communication, we went to bed. That night, which is understandable, I didn’t slept well, because I was waking up every hour or two, simply because you are sleeping in a stranger’s room, and in a stranger’s bed. But with few days, I got used to it. And I miss his apartment and feeling of being safe there, which is weird to say, but with this fact you know how my first couch experience was, in one word – amazing. Honestly, I didn’t expect that. One good thing happened already during my first day. I made a friend, a really good friend.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Back at home

February 14, 2011 Posted by B , , , 5 comments
Yesterday, after 10 days, I got back home from Budapest. I spent 10 A M A Z I N G days in Budapest and I returned home as a new person, I can simply say that to you. I realised a lot of things, met a lot of people, and lived a free life. I relaxed, found something new, experience something new, and I had a great time. I miss Budapest and all the people I met there.

This experience I experienced in only 10 days is PRICELESS. I will tell you more about it in future posts, so stay tuned... I'm starting to write my day one today.
Right now, I'm going to eat in my own kitchen and to take a shower in my own bathroom and get ready for the university...

Thanks everybody for reading and for being there for me. Btw, I have a questions, what is going on with wayner, I didn't hear from him in more than a month??? I'm kinda worried... Did anyone see him on another blogs?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Budapest, here I come...

February 01, 2011 Posted by B , , , , 6 comments
After everything, all drama, everything that happened, I feel like I’m choking and like I will slowly go insane. I screwed my exams, my relationship with Mike, my relationship with parents, everything. I feel so down and what I will write right now it’ll probably sound childish, reckless and like run away from problems, but there’s nothing else I can do. I was thinking about this a long time ago, and now, I planned everything and it feels like right thing to do, and the time is right, because of everything.

I can’t stay in this city, in this country, cause everything reminds me on Mike, I’m torturing my parents and I’m slowly dying mentally, because like I said million times before, I feel like a stranger.

I talked with my parents, I was thinking about this long time ago, to go somewhere, to clear my head, to start MY own life, to be free, to be myself, to fulfill myself.

They gave me their bless, I even found some job opportunities and in exactly two days I’m heading my way to Budapest, Hungary. And yeah, I'm putting that in public here, I won't be that mysterious like last time I went to some journey in April.
I had a chat with Chris once more, after everything, yesterday and the day before yesterday and we cleared things out, not everything but we had a nice chat. He was outraged that night and dunno what to think, about him, about Mike, about everything. I feel like naïve and very giving-myself-too-much person, because I consciously was dragged into all this, because this what I felt for Mike it’s unique, I’m aware of that, and I wanted to try anything (and when I say anything I mean anything) just to be there for him, to help him and to be next to him, I still love him no matter what and I care for him more than you can imagine, but it is impossible to be there next to him and my heart hurts like it never hurt before. I don't want to torture Chris too, because he's too possessive person, and that's how he'll make new problems for Mike and torture him more. I'm putting myself aside and I will pray and hope that Mike is alright. It will be hard, but it will be probably better far away from them, so I don't get into temptation to call them, to hear from Mike. I will have new life and new obligations, new people and new meaning. And one day, if I ever get over Mike, I know that it will be so hard and it will take a lot of time, cause I simply feel like this, 6 months after the breakup. Nothing changed, my feelings are the same, they didn't change even a tiny lil bit.

Thank you so much for reading, for all your comments, for everything, every single word on my blog, in your comments, in your emails means a world to me.

I simply love this blog.

Here’s one song for you, which is filmed in Budapest, very beautiful city. I love it! Enjoy!


Stay tuned, cause I won’t leave this blog, can’t wait to start my new adventure somewhere else.

Budapest, here I come! :)