Holiday, Girls, School and Dream about D

Yesterday I was in travel agency and I booked my flight to some island for the summer. I will go to some island in Europe. Well, never mind that, I’m going at that island with some friends and I will use that time to relax, to find out am I gay or bi or sraight or I don’t know what :) I’m going to go there somewhere at the end of July and the beginning of August and I’ll be on island for about 10 days. I can't wait. Simply, I feel that it will be awesome time... :)))

I god an A on biology test and I’m finish with biology, I won’t have biology never again in my life :( cause soon the high school will be over. I also got an A on first part of test in philosophy, the second part is somewhere in May. But I like philosophy, so that’s not a problem.

Soon, as I said, I’ll finish school and went to university, I already applied for one, and I will have enrolling test somewhere in June, so I will know will I be there or somewhere else. I can’t wait. I’m bit sad, cause I won’t see my classmates so often as now, but what can I do, that’s life. I will do my best to stay in contact with a few of them, the ones who mean a lot to me. If it is/was true friendship, it will last, in other way, it won’t and I must accept that as it is. Life is sometimes hard, but what the hack. I’m always optimistic :)

Now, a few words about sexuality part. I’ve noticed that I’m right now in some straight phase. I notice girls more than boys right now, and the most surprising part is that I think that I feel something about my classmate (girl classmate). I had never watched her on that way, but now, I don’t know is it because of that we are leaving, or I don’t know what else, but she looks kinda cute to me. We were together for one time, but it was one night thing only and it was while we were drunk at some party, but I must admit that from that night, I didn’t look at her on the same way. We are quite good friends, and we even make jokes about that night, but something is different and I can feel that she feels the same, or maybe I’m wrong. We’ll see.

Oh, yeah I almost forgot. I had a dream about her last night. To be honest, I had several dreams just in one night o_0. It was really scary. First some nightmare, then some party dream where I even dreamed of D. And that mustn’t happen again, it simply can’t! And the weirdest thing of all is that he was in exactly same shirt today as in my dream.

Thanks for reading,

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10 days with D.

OK, we were at trip for 10 days and I can tell you that it was amazing, but I'm not so satisfied about my hanging out with D. I spent more time with his best friend and other people, because he was in other room (something complicated about keys and other stuffs) because we were going on group trip. So I was in room with his best friend and some other guy. D. was in totally different area of hotel :(

But we became closer than we were before this trip and I'm glad because of that. He told me a lot of things that I didn't knew before and I was disappointed with him in past two-three days. He came out to be just like I always knew, but I didn't want to accept that (love is blind believe me). He's total jerk. He's so cute, adorable, but in his head he totally egocentric (even more I ever imagine) and so selfish and so want-to-use-people. He thinks that with his cuteness and girls liking him, he can have everything.


I was used by him, two times. I recently find that out. First time it happened on that party (read post Night with D.) where I brought Simone and all other girls with me. I thought that Simone started to kiss with him first, but later I discovered that D. started first even I already told him to stay away from her (I told him that I will try to hook up with her). Just for the record, both were drunk that night. Then second time was three days ago when I also brought Simone to some party at some house. D. asked me to bring her. And D. slept with her just for his selfish desire to have sex. His plan was to bring some girls and hook up with them. This was like some test for Simone, because I like her a lot and I noticed that he likes me too. I was trying to see will she go all the way with D. and she did. And just for the record, she's almost 3 years older than him and always tells me that "he's little jerk, kid, but he's so cute and good kisser, but still a kid". From that words and the tone she speaks about him I thought that she hate him. But after 4 glass of vodka she was in bed with him. That night was so depressing for me because her words and everything fall into water and my heart was broken again.

Tomorrow I talked with Simone and I told her everything, about my feelings and such. We talked also about the previous night.

And what about she-likes-me part? Well, that was true, she liked or likes me, and she admitted that to me when I told her everything, but the main problem is two things. First one, she has a boyfriend (she had it even when she was with D, she cheated her boyfriend with D.), and second problem is me, because I can't look at her the same way. She's so... I don't have or I don't know word, but so disappointing for me :( I feel so used and betrayed. D. is jerk, idiot. He didn't even send me txt or anything, and he's on another holiday right now. I'll see him in about a week, and I must see what he thinks about everything. Just for the record, he maybe doesn't know what Simone is for me, but never mind that, he's still jerk.

Comments are welcome; I need them to feel better :)
P.S. Dunno why, maybe because of jealousy or fact that I'm virgin with 18, I have enormous desire to have sex with a guy or girl, whatever comes first.

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