My crappy writing

Rereading my blog, I noticed that I repeat myself constantly and that I don't think too much when I write; I just write. Which is wrong. I'm not a good writer and some posts sound so fucking pathetic.

Since this moment, I will try to improve my writing and to become more dedicated to writing than ever.

I even thought about deleting all the previous posts and start over, but I will lose precious past records, so I will just start new ones and pay less attention to my stupid old nonsense posts before.

That's all. Nothing special in my life, I'm still stuck with exams, so I didn't have time to live properly, and I will update later. I'm chasing scholarship and I will be probably getting back to Budapest and maybe visiting Berlin for the first time in some future period. But I will tell you more about it when I know something more for sure.

Thanks for reading and for putting up with me all this time.
B.

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Sexual Attraction

Recently I’ve stumbled upon a great website for writing and I was checking the forums and topics and found one interesting and very popular at the time.

It was about sexual attractions and it was asked by an asexual person, who doesn't feel sexual attraction and because it’s really common thing, she/he wants to write about it and wanted to hear opinions of how it’s like to be sexually attracted to someone.

Than the topic made me think about how easy we put aside some stuff which is happening around us. Like for that guy/girl, we think that sexual desire is common thing and believe me, it was a great challenge to write how you feel and express your personal experience of the feeling.

As for me, as an emotional person, I think that sexual desire is much more than just pleasing yourself and making your needs fulfilled. Sometimes I caught myself enjoying a lot more when I realize I make my partner enjoy and when I hear his sighing next to my ear. It’s not just “taking a bite of a delicious fruit” and putting it aside like some object when you taste it. It’s a mutual feeling. Sometimes when you feel attracted to someone and when he answers your moves or your looks, it makes you feel really good, feel wanted, feel great. Also, playing intellectual seducing games also counts a lot, at least for me. Everyone has his own perception of feeling excited and aroused, as for anything else in life which we feel.

Sometimes the sexual desire makes us do crazy and things we thought we would never do. It makes us question who we really are and why do we feel this way toward someone.

What do you think about the topic? How would you describe your sexual attraction feeling? Can someone realize what is sexual desire if he or she never experienced nor felt it?

As for asexuality, through my life I think I met a few asexual persons, and I'm very interested in their personality and how they think and behave. Sometimes I think they are calm and "without worries" but sometimes I think they miss a lot in their life. But as long as they are happy and enjoys other stuff more, I'm happy for them too :)

Thanks for reading. Can't wait to hear your thought on the subject...

B.

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Ricky Martin - 'Me', influence on me and a REVIEW

I finished book few weeks ago and I decided to put a little review of my own here on my own blog.

I followed Ricky's career not that much, only with tabloids and stuff, but secretly, because all my 'gay interest' and 'not-normal' stuff I did secretly. I saw rumors of him being gay and news about him getting children and all that we all knew through magazines and papers. And I was admiring him secretly. And then, accidentally I went to his site and saw that he 'came out' as a homosexual man and I was surprised and happy in the same time. It was somewhere around April or May of 2010 when I found out that he came out as a happy gay man and I was glad.

Later, I found out that he published a book, somewhere around November 2010 and that is a time when my breakup happened and after seeing the cover and seeing it's a biography, all I wanted is to get that book somehow. And I did, I got some money and I bought book in August of 2011, it took me so much time, but I got it. I wanted to learn more about him and also to improve my English.

To be honest, he's not a great writer (expected), he still needs to work more on his style and some parts of the book are repeated constantly, but it's was okay reading it, easy written, simple sentences and I kinda enjoyed it. I also realize that this is his way to promote himself more, because his career started to go down-way, but no matter what I think that he helped me to improve my English and to learn something about him.

I don't know did I mention it earlier, but this blog and all my diaries and stuff I collect about my life and all my writings are some kind of resources for me writing a book one day, a book for my homophobic society and for all the other gay and st8 people out there, and the book who will hopefully open some eyes and free some minds. I got idea few years ago and I even started it, I got a first paragraph (it's a beginning) but I need to think through this idea more, because it's not a easy task. I was also planning to start writing a gay fairytales and that will be my contribution to a gay world. It's not a big deal, but I would feel very happy if I furfill this dream of mine.

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