Pride Day and break up with U.

Pride day was cancelled yesterday because of security threats from hooligans and government sent a document which forbade the gathering to the organizers. But we all here know that it wasn't exactly because of hooligans, even though I think that it would be riots all around city, but I think that the government is glad because it was cancelled. I feel very sad and I don't like the comments of the minister of the police and people. But, I kinda suspected that it will be like this.

And I know, I didn't end my summer post, well, I only left part with 'after' summer but this happened so fast and I need to update immediately. Me and U. were in some kinda of long distance relationship for a month and one month of texting after holiday and he broke up few days ago and I feel very sad, because it was really beautiful relationship (at least for me), but he was not ready and I kinda am disappointed in him, because I realised he wasn't the guy I thought he is, and he didn't want to "fight" for us (our relationship), so why would I do that, when he doesn't want it. But, I will write more when my emotions calm down a bit, I don't like to talk about some recent stuff all of a sudden. I'm stressed. But all I know is that I feel hurt, a lot, but it's kinda okay and I'm getting over him faster, because it's easier than the first and second breakup, which is kinda normal...

Thanks for reading, this was a short post, just to keep a record... ;)

Bye,

B.

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Pride day in my homophobic country

It's less than one week until the fourth Pride in my country. First one was a disaster with blood all around (it was held 10 years ago), I don't have information did anyone die and the pride site is down right now so I can't check the info, but I know there was a lot of blood and that a lot of people was seriously hurt. Second one (2 years ago) was canceled because of security measures and some serious threats. Third (last year) was successful, but it was really poor and very very risky and it was followed by riots and gathered like 6000 anti-gay activists (and there was like only 1000 gay people on the Pride, half of them was politicians who was there only for political purpose). Also, the whole city was blocked, violated and now, in less than one week from now, the fourth Pride is going to be held...

I'm following all the news and events which are related to the 'Pride' and I feel very sad with every comment I read or hear because I see how "my" (and I'm really ashamed right now to say that they are "mine") own people are so ignorant and so narrow minded (in my language, we use term "left behind"). Even positive and the "pros" comments aren't satisfying enough that it will really get better. It is so sad because majority of people hate something they don't even wanna find out and on their faces you can see that they don't even have a wish to just try to understand it. But that doesn't prevent them to comment it freely and openly (meaning negative) and to hate it. In one way I even understand them (fear of unknown and simply fear), but in another, I can't take it anymore and I can't understand how people can be THAT ignorant. My parents included (well, more dad than mom, I even think mom is okay right now with all that), even though they know about me more than a year. It's hating without a reason, which is the most stupidest thing ever and which is something DUMB and idiotic. They judge something they don't know NOTHING (literally) about. It's so sad. I just watched some TV talk show where they discussed Pride, and it was so sad and I felt really bad and I wished I never was born here, I feel so ashamed of my country, of my people, of everything said and done against Pride and I kinda lost hope (even though the hope dies last) that even a slightly lil bit will change. But... because I'm a helpless and unbeatable optimist... I still have a little hope left, only little...

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know and you'll see the way to fly.

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RIP Jamey Rodemeyer

I can't help it, I must mention Jamey Rodemeyer on my blog... I suppose you all heard that he was a 14 year old gay boy who killed himself and that he was being bullied because of his sexuality. It is a really sad and not so rare story, but this one got attention because he was blogging about his suffers and he was searching for support and for comfort and you can't blame him for that, you only must respect him. I just started crying......

Jamey, Rest in Peace...

I don't like when something like this has to happen so someone take action and notice something which is in front of them all the time. It's just so sad, and we people are so weak and so selfish. I'm deeply hurt by all this and I really hope that something will be done, because Jamey and all other people (not just gay, I mean all people) out there being bullied deserve that... I'm just thinking about (now, I'm being selfish) where would I be if I didn't 'close' myself and camouflaged myself into my homophobic society and environment and stayed 'unnoticeable'. The camouflage and 'closing' was only my way of dealing with thing, until I felt that I'm ready to confront the world, which I already started, but I'm going slowly and carefully because I'm not sure am I completely ready yet... We humans are really fragile and precious things and a small word and a simple act can really damage us hard... See what happened to Jamey... But also, the small word and the small act can also make us so happy and so full of love. We must protect each other and take care of each other, that's the key to the perfection. That's the key to the Love, not Hate.

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Ricky Martin - 'Me', influence on me and a REVIEW

I finished book few weeks ago and I decided to put a little review of my own here on my own blog.

I followed Ricky's career not that much, only with tabloids and stuff, but secretly, because all my 'gay interest' and 'not-normal' stuff I did secretly. I saw rumors of him being gay and news about him getting children and all that we all knew through magazines and papers. And I was admiring him secretly. And then, accidentally I went to his site and saw that he 'came out' as a homosexual man and I was surprised and happy in the same time. It was somewhere around April or May of 2010 when I found out that he came out as a happy gay man and I was glad.

Later, I found out that he published a book, somewhere around November 2010 and that is a time when my breakup happened and after seeing the cover and seeing it's a biography, all I wanted is to get that book somehow. And I did, I got some money and I bought book in August of 2011, it took me so much time, but I got it. I wanted to learn more about him and also to improve my English.

To be honest, he's not a great writer (expected), he still needs to work more on his style and some parts of the book are repeated constantly, but it's was okay reading it, easy written, simple sentences and I kinda enjoyed it. I also realize that this is his way to promote himself more, because his career started to go down-way, but no matter what I think that he helped me to improve my English and to learn something about him.

I don't know did I mention it earlier, but this blog and all my diaries and stuff I collect about my life and all my writings are some kind of resources for me writing a book one day, a book for my homophobic society and for all the other gay and st8 people out there, and the book who will hopefully open some eyes and free some minds. I got idea few years ago and I even started it, I got a first paragraph (it's a beginning) but I need to think through this idea more, because it's not a easy task. I was also planning to start writing a gay fairytales and that will be my contribution to a gay world. It's not a big deal, but I would feel very happy if I furfill this dream of mine.

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Dante's Cove REVIEW

Recently I start to watch Dante's Cove, the first gay TV Show I heard about. I mean, first I was surprised, cause I love to watch TV Shows and then I found gay TV Show and it has some really nice story, most of the time :P. Now I will write my little review. I will try my best not to put so many spoilers, so feel free to read it all.

First, I want to mention that I only watched two seasons of Dante's Cove, I didn't manage to find the third one.

The actors. One word – stunning. Charlie David, Gregory Michael and the others hahahah :P I love Charlie, and when I found out that he's gay, and living open gay life as a actor, I was so impressed and inspired. I mean, he's perfect. That hot body, eyes, his voice, that sparkly teeth, I don't know what else to say about him, he's gorgeous and perfect, I love his appearence. If I really really need to tell someone which is my type of man I would tell that it's Charlie David. I watch his other movie called 'Four Letter Word' and he was really amazing there even though the movie was bad. I didn't like it. I plan to watch that one which starts with M, something like Mullingans or whatever.

Then we have Gregory Michael who also acts in the GRΣΣΚ, and there he's also gay guy, bit odd, and he declares himself as straight. :) (something is not right if you ask me). But nevermind that, he's still hot, and with Charlie he makes all the scene look simply fantastic.

Than we have other actors :) A lot of hot guys, but I only have eyes for Charlie David and Gregory :) and a lot of hot girls... I'm so obsessed with Nadine Heimann, she's so hot, so beautiful that I think I would be able to look at her whole day. Her eyes and her lips and her teeth are so bright, positive, amazing. Her smile is so beautiful that I can stare at her forever. I'm telling you, this girl really is special. Perfection. I don't know is she lesbian in real life, but she's cute, sweet and I assume that she's person with great personality. Well it's kinda prejudice, but to be honest, I don't think that behind that smile can exist some bad and mean person.

The other main "femele" actor is Tracy Scoggins. I saw that she is 56 years old (wtf? OMFG?) but she looks like she's in the late 30s. I don't know how many plastic surgery she had, but it must have been A LOT! Her face looks like it will pop if she makes too big smile and her neck is disgusting. Why did she do that to herself? I mean, if you are old, you are old, face the facts and be yourself, you don't need to make yourself so fake. It's okay to do a small surgery if you are not satisfied, but when it's too much, it is too much. Maybe if she didn't touch anything, she would look more beautiful than this. She looks like some plastic doll, and there is nothing natural on her anymore.

Ok, I'm finished with the phisical look of the my main protagonist of this show. Now we come to the story and to the acting and to the SEX.

I'll be direct and honest. Actors seem like amateurs, I mean, in some situations, you can't really tell when they are trying to make the effort not to ruin the scene or they feel stupid cause the scene is stupid (so they don't know how to react). I mean, in some point, it really doesn't look like serious show, and the acting is kinda retarded. It could be better. They are not one with the story, and sometimes it really doesn't look like that they really mean what they are saying. The only one who are really really nice in this are Gregory Michael and Tracy Scoggins, maybe because they are talented (Gregory) or had experience (Tracy). I don't know is it because of talent or experience, but Nadine doesn't work it well. Neither the Charlie :( in some scenes. And now we came to the other part of this „review“. The story...

The story is interesting, but kinda crappy, the directors could make the script first and then start filming. There is a lot of holes in the plot. I have impression like they wrote only few episodes and then they start to pounding nonsenses and it ruined the show. And well, of course that I don't like the change of filming location, the location from the Season 1 (Turks and Caicos Islands) was amazing and was way more better than from Season 2 (somewhere in Hawaii), and this also ruined the show, cause we was used to first one and then suddenly (or magically, who knows, in this show everything is possible :P) it turned into something totally different and totally opposite, and worst of all is because they wanted that fact to be ignored. The first location looked kinda more realistic, and the place was spookier than this Hawaii place. I recently read that it's somewhere near Lost filming place, nice... :) they should learn something from Lost directors and Lost cast. That show is PERFECT! and even if they had 5 Seasons, they didn't ruin the storyline.

One more bad thing is the people who live in this place. I get the impression that on the „island“ which is called Dante's Cove exist only 10 people, it's so empty, like there is no cars, there is no passengers, only main actors and that's all. They have some bar and you only see 10 people who are chatting and making scenes. It looks like some low-cost movie.

I even found one clip where Charlie David talks about „holes in the plot“ and all the fails of the show... Well, at least they are honest that the show isn't so good... And like the speaker said: it's so bad that it's good LOL :D...

And this show beside romance is called thriller and horror :) hahahaha, that's so funny... This is comedy because of all the fails, but still it's kinda worth watching and here's why... The main reasons why you SHOULD watch this show is sex scenes and the story about love. Sex is the only thing which is done perfectly, without exposing the genitals of main actors :D The scenes are really hot, sensual, makes you get hard ;), sometimes even sweet and cute.

All in all, it reminds me of some mix of amateur softcore porn and lame storyline which in the end is crappy but you watch it cause the cast are amazing and because you never watched something like this.

And for the end, something the most UNBELIEVABLE thing in the whole show. What are the odds that there is some island like that where everybody is gay or lesbians. I mean, I know for some, but only during summer and only in some periods of time, but in this show, I don't think that there is any straight person, only gays and gays and everything is so gay... It could be more realistic, for god's sake... But if really this place exist, please tell me right now, I will move there instantly... :) without thinking, it's probably called Heaven, right? :D

Just kidding... You have my warm recommendation to watch the show, but be aware that it's crappy :)

Thanks for reading! Leave your comments on the show, I really want to hear your opinion and of course, if you know any other similar show (but I doubt that) please write it down... ;)

And here's a trailer for the Season 1:

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First post again :)

It's great to be back. I re-added several blogs, which I were subscribed earlier, to my RSS feed and I feel really excited. I love to read all about other guys and it helps me a lot. First - because I feel accepted and not so different after all. Second because a lot of other guys are thinking like I do or think very similar.

I love to blog, but the reason why I don't keep this one up-to-date is because of my English. I need to think hard to write in English, but I hope that it will be better and better. But the point is that I'm improving it every day.

Just because of this reason please know that while I'm typing, maybe I didn't meant something that is written, or I didn't have words to say what I intended to say.

Oh, now I read my previous posts and I noticed that I never write what happened with my "love" with D.

Lol, D. is part of my past. He's very egocentric as I said in some post; he's jerk with all adjectives considering that word. I don't know why I liked him so much, he is sexy and cute but he's an idiot.

I'm moving on... After him, like I said I was confused with my sexuality, cause I never tried anything with some boy and I asked myself: 'How can I know am I really gay or not?' When I watch porn or some nude pictures or men's bodies, they really turn me on, but the porns, the pictures and the bodies of girls does that too. That's why I categorize myself as bisexual, but after him I wasn't sure. I don't know was I blinded by him or what, but I felt gayer when I had crush on him. Now I feel straighter :) (I don't even know does this adjective exist in English), and I'm not having crush on any girl right now. There're a lot of cuties around me, male and female, but I've never been attracted to any guy before as I was attracted by D. YET! I'm opened for new challenges and for the new pain :) from boys and from girls :)...

You don't know how much I would like to try something out with some boy, just to be sure is it same as with girls. Maybe I will have chance during summer time, cause I'm going on some island with some friends. Well, that's small problem, cause no one knows about my sexuality, but I will try my best in hiding this potential adventure with some boy. It will be secret and with that fact it will be even more interesting :) I'm adventurer, just for the record.

In my life right now there's nothing special at all. It's all about school and I'm senior year and I can't wait until I finish. I will probably be sad because of my friends, because the most part of my class goes to different universities and we won't see each other so often, but I think that I will continue to hang out with people who really means me a lot (true friends) although there's a fact that we are probably going to the different university.

Oh, yeah, the university. I should write about that more. But as I'm keeping my name and my residence as secret you will probably wait until I figure out what I can say and what I cannot to you and other readers. Why? Because I don't want to risk anything to be revealed to the persons who might know me in person. I am a bit paranoid, but you can never know who is reading.

I don't really know why I am so secret and mysterious, but one of the reasons is fear of revealing. I really don't want that for now. I hope that you understand...

Thanks for reading :)

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