What happened with my studies?

To be honest, I decided my study field very hasty. When I was at the end of my high school, I was lost and I didn’t know what I will do with my life. Then I thought about computers, because I’ve always loved them and I always wanted to do something with my websites I had back then (the blog is one of them ), and I was very interested in programming in my senior year. But… to apply for any department that has computer science as a program, you need to take an exam with mathematics in it. I hated mathematics, and I still do, so I left that aside. It left an unbearable pain in my heart, because I still love computers and I learned a lot on my own, but I’m not that professional and official as I would have been if I had enrolled for some computer science program. The time was running short, and I thought - ‘oh, what the heck, I will go with my second love – literature… And why not learn some new language in the process?’ Simply, there wasn’t time to prepare mathematic exam, even if I wanted to. I was under constant pressure I just wanted to get over with that. So I applied for the department of languages. Right now I think that it was hasty decision, but not the completely wrong one, or I could pick some better language, or easier. I still like reading, learning about new cultures and languages, but the motivation and courage for my major just wore off with years.

I heard lots of bad rumors about my major, and the professors and staff before I applied, but I didn’t pay too much attention. I was like ‘It’s only angry students mambo-jumbo.’ The enrolling exam and everything seemed just so easy, and it was, I was the second on the final list. And I got scholarship.

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Back to University

Past week was my return to University, classes have started and I feel okay, and I succeed to apply for third year without major problems, even though I'm a lot behind my classmates. And I enjoyed a lot during classes, because I didn't think about anything else. And also, I'm happy because New Year's Eve is coming soon, and me and my friends are planning to go to Amsterdam, maybe. We are still searching for accommodation and for transport. And that is also keeping me busy. Can't wait... :)

I won't speak a lot about U. and about after holiday time, because as I said before I was disappointed, because I didn't expect that U. will be the way he turn out to be. He was not ready for longish-distance relationship, and we were separated only by 2 hours drive with the train, one hour by bus. And later he even proposed me to be 'friends with benefits'.

I just want to share one more stuff with the people from this blog. It's a good part of our relationship and really nice memory. A picture U. sent me while he was on Corfu and I was back. It was so romantic picture which really meant a lot to me, but later it became really disturbing to watch, and I planned to share with you in some better mood than this one, but the reality is different. Enjoy! :D

Mine and U's hand during second morning we spent together. My hand is with the watch, btw ;)

Also, I forgot to mention that I visited gay club for the first time. But I will write about this in a next post, this is enough for now. I need to learn how to make my posts shorter and more interesting ;) hope you understand...

Thanks for reading.

B.

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First post again :)

It's great to be back. I re-added several blogs, which I were subscribed earlier, to my RSS feed and I feel really excited. I love to read all about other guys and it helps me a lot. First - because I feel accepted and not so different after all. Second because a lot of other guys are thinking like I do or think very similar.

I love to blog, but the reason why I don't keep this one up-to-date is because of my English. I need to think hard to write in English, but I hope that it will be better and better. But the point is that I'm improving it every day.

Just because of this reason please know that while I'm typing, maybe I didn't meant something that is written, or I didn't have words to say what I intended to say.

Oh, now I read my previous posts and I noticed that I never write what happened with my "love" with D.

Lol, D. is part of my past. He's very egocentric as I said in some post; he's jerk with all adjectives considering that word. I don't know why I liked him so much, he is sexy and cute but he's an idiot.

I'm moving on... After him, like I said I was confused with my sexuality, cause I never tried anything with some boy and I asked myself: 'How can I know am I really gay or not?' When I watch porn or some nude pictures or men's bodies, they really turn me on, but the porns, the pictures and the bodies of girls does that too. That's why I categorize myself as bisexual, but after him I wasn't sure. I don't know was I blinded by him or what, but I felt gayer when I had crush on him. Now I feel straighter :) (I don't even know does this adjective exist in English), and I'm not having crush on any girl right now. There're a lot of cuties around me, male and female, but I've never been attracted to any guy before as I was attracted by D. YET! I'm opened for new challenges and for the new pain :) from boys and from girls :)...

You don't know how much I would like to try something out with some boy, just to be sure is it same as with girls. Maybe I will have chance during summer time, cause I'm going on some island with some friends. Well, that's small problem, cause no one knows about my sexuality, but I will try my best in hiding this potential adventure with some boy. It will be secret and with that fact it will be even more interesting :) I'm adventurer, just for the record.

In my life right now there's nothing special at all. It's all about school and I'm senior year and I can't wait until I finish. I will probably be sad because of my friends, because the most part of my class goes to different universities and we won't see each other so often, but I think that I will continue to hang out with people who really means me a lot (true friends) although there's a fact that we are probably going to the different university.

Oh, yeah, the university. I should write about that more. But as I'm keeping my name and my residence as secret you will probably wait until I figure out what I can say and what I cannot to you and other readers. Why? Because I don't want to risk anything to be revealed to the persons who might know me in person. I am a bit paranoid, but you can never know who is reading.

I don't really know why I am so secret and mysterious, but one of the reasons is fear of revealing. I really don't want that for now. I hope that you understand...

Thanks for reading :)

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