Another break :)

I really need to work on my writing habits with this blog :) because I have a lot to update (again).

I'm just writing this post to update you a bit and say that everything is okay and everything is more than okay... :D

I'm just stressed with my exams, which starts in June and with some obligations for the University, cause I lost track with my studies, but I think that I will manage to pass everything this year.

See you soon with more updates. Thanks for following and welcome to the new followers. I miss you all.

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One year before

Today is exactly one year of making a first second contact (we had few messages before in February, but it was really short) with Mike through that online dating site. I know I'm living in past and maybe that's not good, but I wanted to share this detail with you. And there will be more details to come, just to keep record of my life, before and after Mike.

I feel so hurt, and so down. I saw Mike one week ago, exactly one week ago, he got back from the country where his mom lives and I missed him... I saw him, and Chris was there too, we hanged out and I saw him. I'm retarded, I'm immature, I'm so fucking naive, I'm so fucking deep in love, I'm so fucking blind, I'm maybe masochistic... but I can't help it.

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Budapest - Day 6 - Tuesday, February 8th

Even though only 5 days passed, I already felt that I was in Budapest for ages. I walked through the whole city in 4 days and moved to a hostel. Now I wanted to enjoy my free time alone and maybe start my book. Also, for the beginning, in this hostel I booked only two nights and then I planned to move to that small accommodation which my temporary boss offered me. I would be alone and had my own time. I changed my mind and you will see why. Like I said, I enjoyed my time with Spanish guy and I really liked that socialization in the hostel and every day new and different people come and go. I like that, variety of people.

I woke up early to go to my work and I came there on time and talked weirdly with a guy who also works there. I washed some dishes and I watched how he cleans a room because later I will also do that. It was kinda boring and the hostel (well, actually it’s more a hotel) had some weird energy and I didn’t felt good there. I earned like 1500 forints and that’s around 5 € which is kinda good for 3 hours of work. And all I did was wash dishes and watched the guy cleaning.

I returned to the hostel. I spend this day talking with people, socializing and also with my friend over Skype and then (or maybe two days ago) he told me that he’s coming too. So he booked a hostel (not the one I was into, some other one, but it was very near mine).

I met some couple from Portugal. We played cards and later all people from the hostel watched some movie and the Spanish people brought a fun game. We played that crazy game with all the people from the hostel until it become very late. Also, I met two guys from Belgium, and one of them was gay for sure. My gaydar worked well, I think. He was so sweet and simply said – gay.

This day one amazing and strange thing happened to me. Two people from Turkey came to the hostel, a guy, Osman and a girl, Denise.

At night we went out together with the rest of the people from the hostel in some pub (it was some party organized by hostels). When we were going to the club, I ended up with Turks and we talked about regular things and it seemed interesting and great until one point of the evening, when it becomes strange and amazing. Denise simply said in the club: “Well, actually, Osman is a gay, but he doesn’t like to tell the people that, especially because you are from homophobic country.” I don’t know did she had an intention to tell me that or it was because of my joke on a guy who was dressed as a girl (it was a mascaraed party) but the point is that she told me even though I kinda suspected. He isn’t typical gay guy nor anything, simply said, I felt it and he was with a girl and they didn’t seem close as a boyfriend and a girlfriend. It looks like my gaydar works great.

After she told me that, I stood there, stunned and shocked – and after all glad. It kinda felt good and I was having a smile on my face. Then I bent toward her (because it was too laud, we were in the club) and told her on her ear: “Well, I’m also gay and actually this trip is my break and my vacation from breaking up with my ex-boyfriend.” And because few moments before the whole scene I commented on some girl (Spanish girl) Denise was like: “What about that girl, are you gay or bisexual?” And I was shocked because she asked and reacted so normally and it really felt good, all that normalness. I told her it was only my disguise (I kinda do that unconsciously because I’m used to it and well, the girl really was cute and beautiful). At first, I didn’t want her to tell Osman (honestly, I dunno why, well, I know, I’m kinda paranoid and under impression of my own country), but later I allowed her and he was smiling and then he showed me the picture of his boyfriend on the cellphone. It was really funny but it was so pleasant because I felt normal and I was free. I met a gay guy so strangely in person, on normal way.

Then, we went out and we talked and wandered around Budapest. I was so confused with the situation and tired so we got lost and we didn’t have an idea where we are. I told them a few segments of my story with Mike and my story about parents.

They told me few details about situation in Turkey and I was shocked with some details (for example: if you are gay, you don’t need to go to army, but you need to provide a proof that you are gay, and you will do that by taking a picture of yourself having sex, and you need to be bottom).

Osman helped me by telling me and advising me toward my relationship with Mike (but, Osman, I still believe that we can remain friends, I want that). By the way, Osman is the first person who picked his name on this blog. Later, when I got back, I told him about this blog and he’s probably reading it right now. With this post I would also like to thank you (him) for everything. Even though you are not aware of that, you and your story and the fact that you are with your boyfriend more than a year and the fact that you are not “look at me, look at me, I’m gay” type of guy really gave me hope and returned my faith to this world (I was very disappointed and probably still I’m a bit). This world is full of lies, dirt and bad people. I’m not judgmental, I’m just disappointed in gay people (especially here) because they see everything in sex (like most of gay people), they are bitter persons and they are full of themselves and you need to admit that a lot of gay people are really like that, and they are so bitchy sometimes. I don’t like that. I understand them, they are like that because they are not accepted and they led a psychological war inside their head. But, get over it. Also, I would like to say that I know that gay people are not usually like that when you meet them and when you get to know them, but I don’t like when people at the starts begin to act so bitchy and so harshly.

I liked Osman and Denise because they were so normal, so friendly; especially Denise, so communicative and I had a great time with them. And I’m also grateful to them about one more thing but you will hear about that in the next ‘Budapest log’ post.

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Budapest - Day 5 - Monday, February 7th

Woke up early, went immediately to that hostel and talked with very cute receptionist (she’s a girl btw) and booked a bed. She showed me a room and hostel and I told her that I will bring my stuff during a day. Also, great thing that happened to me was the text I got from a guy who was my boss for a short while, because I went to Budapest asking for some jobs while I’m there. The guy owns some hostel to which I have sent an e-mail asking for a job. He called me to come for an interview. After meal, I was heading straight there to that hostel.

The interview and the ho(s)tel was awesome, the guy even offered me an ‘almost’ free accommodation and I was eager to start working. The salary wasn’t that good but it kinda helped me for a few days. To be honest, I wasn’t that much into job anymore because I kinda got relaxed during my stay at Den’s place and I chatted a lot with Chris and I changed my mind about leaving university, I realized how important education is and no matter how much your university sucks. I worked at that hostel for 2 days and I got some cleaning/hotel experience which is still great. My first day was on 8th of February and I quit job on Thursday and you’ll see why.

After the interview and booking the room I returned to Den’s and packed my stuff and moved them slowly to the hostel. Later, I met again with Den for the last time. He took me to the cinema (for free because he works there) and he took free tickets, some popcorns and we watched “From Paris with Love” and it was really good movie. Somewhere at the middle of the movie, I thought about my education, my future plans and maybe in that moment I decided to go back home and finish my education. It was good, I enjoyed a lot in whole trip, Den’s company and I saw again the hot guy from the party, who I liked. He also works in the cinema, as Den, and that’s how they know each other. I said ‘hi’ to him and he recognized me.

Later, after going back from the cinema and entering metro, Den and me talked and I said ‘thanks’ for everything he did for me and told him that I’m so amazed by him and that he’s a great guy, which is true and he said goodbye in the metro, when he needed to get off (at the station where I lived for the last 4 days). I was smiling because I was glad I met him and he made me feel okay, dunny why, and I didn’t have crush on him, he’s very good person and I’m glad I met him. When I got back to the hostel, it was knda weird, because I have never stayed in a hostel.

I forgot to mention that I met a guy from Canada, we’ll name him Tom, he’s a musician-traveller and he was in Budapest for a month and he’s an alcoholic. In the beginning I didn’t pay much attention to this, but later I felt so sad for him, but again, on the other hand, after one situation, I realized that he’s maybe even more complicated than he looks.

Also, I met two girls from Canada and three people from Barcelona. That night, I talked with one Spanish guy until 5 AM and we had a great talk about everyday stuff, life, books, and I enjoyed his company so much.

I went to bed early/late (depends how you look at it) and it was weird but in the same time great experience, because I shared my room with six other unknown people. Everyone was snoring, breathing, sleeping and somehow, I don’t know how, I fell asleep.

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My friends found out about my blog

Once upon a time, when I was at David’s house I showed him my blog and I was reckless because I didn’t cover the URL on time so he remembered it. That was about two months ago.

After returning back from Budapest, I noticed that David and Lucy were kinda strange. Simply said, I suspected but I wasn’t sure.

First, I didn’t told them about coming out to my parents. I didn’t tell them because my father asked me not to tell them, and I didn’t feel comfortable because they know them and they see them almost every day in the neighbourhood.

And then, one week ago I found out that David, Lucy and other friend (to whom I also came out) found out and was reading my blog and they didn’t told me because they read the post about my parents, and thought that I’m not telling them everything.

When I found out, I was very disappointed with them all and I thought I have lost my blog. I wanted to keep my blog private and even though I tell them almost everything, simply said, I wanted to keep it my ‘own’. I wanted a free will to write about anything I want without them commenting: “You should’ve said like this, like that blah blah blah…” and so on. Also, there are some secrets other doesn’t want to know from the other people and there is a lot of details from Mike’s life I don’t want them to know, because it’s his privacy and I respect that. That’s why I’m keeping myself anonymous.

So, when I found out, I thought everything is over. Three years of blogging (well, not that regularly but still three years) and I started to love this blog more and more with every day. I enjoyed writing and I had plans with it. As I said, I have ambitions to write a book some day and I will use this. Also, few days ago I was reading my posts about Mike (when we were in relationship and when I was blinded and happy) and it really made me feel better and simply I keep a track of my life.

This blog has become my online diary (even though I have my own diary) and I’m so glad to see how many visitors I have during a day, reading the comments, see that someone cares. Simply, you feel better and I thought that everything is over.

Also, Lucy got hysterical because I wrote about her and Ben (the friend I also told and I never mention him so now it’s the time to name him). So, his name is Ben, he knows about me and Lucy has a crush on him and they had something. It’s so complicated, they were friend for more than 14 years and a lot had happened between them. David found out about this and then Lucy told me (actually, she confirmed my doubts). I was sad because of her, and this is also one of the reasons why I would like to keep my blog away from my friends. I need my freedom of writing and with them reading this, it's simply not the same.

Later, that night, I changed my URL, my RSS feed and moved my blog to another location and talked a lot with David. He promised me that he won’t ever search for it. He understood how this is important for me. But in any case, because I know him and I know Bed is very curious and I didn’t want to ruin our trust, I changed URL. I lost some visits, but not my followers, blog buddies and my posts. I’m really lucky because David, Lucy and Ben don’t know anything about Blogger, following, reading, RSS feeds and so on. So, now the blog and my freedom of writing are safe. But in any case, I will follow visits from my country, to see is everything really okay. Until then, I’m still blogging.

Follow me and Ask Me Anything. Thanks for reading…

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Saying Goodbye to Mike

Last week I met with Mike and Chris, because Mike was travelling to another city in some other country to see his mother. I kinda made Chris allow me to see Mike and as I said before, Chris and I chatted a lot while I was in Budapest and even after I got back.

To be honest, I realized that Chris and Mike’s relationship will never last. I don’t know how to explain. Simply, Chris made Mike not use his Facebook, Mike lost his laptop because of Chris (he broke it in some fight they had), and Chris is really complicated, very possessive and very unstable person because he is obsessed with Mike. And because I know that this will make Mike gone mad, I know that it will break someday and Chris only lives in illusion of having relationship until the end of his life. This is kinda childish and immature for 21 and 22 years old. Mike is almost 22 now. And I admit that I’m also very immature, I simply can’t let it go, I care about Mike a lot. Maybe I even love him but as I said to Sam yesterday, I’m okay with it and I simply know that someone special for me will come. I realized that Mike and I are totally different worlds, and I made peace accepting the fact that Mike doesn’t want to be with me. My heart hurts, but what can I do. And no matter how hurt I am, I still care about him and I want to be there for him.

And last week, I realized that he is slowly forgetting me and he is also kinda lying to himself about everything he feels toward Chris and Chris is very selfish, even though he cares for Mike. Simply said, their relationship was and still is full of lies. Mike simply can’t be totally honest with Chris because Chris is really sensitive and reckless and as we all know, the trust is the most important base of every relationship, and that’s why I think it will break eventually.

I know that Mike dreams to be free and that he is very tortured inside, with his past with that friend (his best friend from childhood). I can feel it and I can see it. Maybe I’m wrong, but time will show. As for now I still don’t want to lose Mike and not in relationship-meaning, I just like when he is around me, I care a lot about him and I don’t care anymore about him being in relationship with someone else. I just wanna be there for him no matter what. And to be honest, Mike seems kinda weird, like he is doing this on purpose. Like, when I started talking with Chris he was very against that. Maybe he’s playing us both and he’s kinda put in the corner because Chris and I communicate. Time will also show. I just want to be there for him when he needs me, because as I said, I care a lot about him, no matter he hurt me, no matter we will probably never be together and I hate see him be sad and hurt.

I miss Mike. Well, to be honest, I miss kisses, hugging, cuddling and having someone to love and to know he is there for you and he is into you. I only miss the idea of having a boyfriend and not Mike, because he disappointed me, used me and now he’s kinda leaving me aside. And I just wanna know why when he told me few months ago: ‘I know that I will have you for my whole life.’ This sentence is haunting me always.

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Budapest - Day 4 - Sunday, February 6th

After the rough night, I didn’t have any headache nor a hangover, everything was perfect (probably because I drunk a lot of water right after going to sleep, which is a good technique for the hangover, believe me).

This day I was visiting Citadella, the famous Hungarian hill, the highest spot in Budapest, where you can see whole Budapest, almost the whole panorama.

Also, this day I decided to find some hostel, and to move there, because I didn’t want to be a burden to Den, he already did a lot for me, usually couchsurfing lasts like 2-3 day and I was at his place 4 days already. I was visiting Citadella during night, and that moment was really scary, because I got somewhere near the hill and then ended in some neighborhood where there was no light, so I kinda got scared, but everything was fine later. Then, after going there, at the top and seeing magnificent view of the whole Buda and the whole Pest, I was stunned and amazed and it was simply – beautiful. Even this word is not enough to explain it. I saw some pictures of Citadella during day, but during night it’s way better and the weather was so clear, there was no fog, there were no clouds, you could see the stars. Simply said, it was perfect and I really enjoyed it.

When I decided to go back I again stepped into the dark. This way was a bit different, but I was walking down the hill in some crappy staircase and it was really slippery and I also got scared, because I was all alone, but still remained free.

Meanwhile, I forgot to mention that I was looking for a job while I was in Budapest (because as I said, I went there with the intention of leaving everything behind me) and I have found some. One of them was working in some hostel and the guy told me that he will message me when he’s out there in that hostel so I can come for an interview.

When I got home, totally tired, Den promised me that he will take me to cinema the following day, free of charge, to say goodbye. It was so nice of him. I told him that I will move tomorrow to the hostel, I just needed to book one. He was really great, I couldn't have wished for more. I don't know did I got lucky or is there someone watching over mer, but this couchsurfing experience was perfect.

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Budapest - Day 3 - Saturday, February 5th

Woke up around 1 PM and 12 PM. I chatted a lot with Chris throughout whole trip and we really bounded, which was my point, so I can stay close to Mike, but also, it’s a way to easier for me to suppress all the feeling toward Mike if I find Chris okay guy and if I become maybe happy because they are together. During my stay in Budapest, I planned not to have any contact with a lot of people, but simply said, it was destiny, and usually me and Chris were online in the same time and we chatted a lot, talked about a lot of things (and not only considering this complicated situation) and cleared things out, which was great and kinda very healthy for the whole situation. It helped me a lot and I’m glad.

Later, after a talk with Chris, I prepared myself for the bike ride. The roads of Budapest and the weather (14° C) were amazing. The sun was shining, and it almost felt like spring. I love this kind of weather and it was simply perfect. I drove throughout the whole Budapest, sightseeing all the huge, beautiful buildings with bike, my real first love. I was completely free, like a bird, driving fast. Getting across the bridge and entering Buda. I was climbing to the hill to see a statue. Then I was driving more, alongside with other people who were riding the bike today. This was one of my best experiences, I can’t really explain why (is it because I didn’t ride my bike in more than half a year, or simply because I was driving the bike in Budapest, I don’t know), but I simply loved it and doing that on my own, completely free and completely alone made me feel like a child, I didn’t need to worry about anything, just cycling and hitting the break when it was necessary to do. I was cycling for about 3-4 hours maybe and it was getting darker and darker and I was getting really hungry and I needed to go to a toilet so I returned “home”, took a shower (which was so pleasant), waited for Den and thanked him so much. But the night and the day didn’t end here. We were planning to go to some party that Saturday night.

Den worked as a host in some Budapest night club so the plan was to drink somewhere before going to that club and joining Den. But the entrance was too much so we decided that we will go to some other club instead and before that, drinking at home and drinking in some other pub (where drinks are very cheap). Meanwhile, I will be socializing with Den’s friends, which sounded great for me.

First, at the beginning I met his friend, whose name is not that important, but for this post, we’ll call him Nathanael (what a name :P). We bought some bottle of vodka and we were drinking in Den’s apartment and playing Xbox. It was very interesting, especially because neither Den nor Nathanael could speak English that good.

It was kinda funny and the atmosphere was getting to be really great, because we were getting drunker and drunker. It was really amazing and I enjoyed that a lot. After finishing vodka, beers and watching funny clips on YouTube, we went out. We went first to some pub, but the line for entering was too long, so we just went home and bought some more drinks. In the way, some other Den’s friend joined us and Nathanael was kidding and making fun of him and he clearly mentioned that he consider him “gay” and even now I don’t know is Peter gay or not. But that moment, and the eye contact between him and Nathanael was kinda weird, like they tried to tell me something. Dunno, I didn’t want to think about that, and I didn’t want to come out to anyone on this trip unless I decide otherwise. Hungary is kinda gay-friendly, but still, it was my trip and I wanted to find myself and by telling all the people around me that I’m gay, I couldn’t do that, which is on the other hand very sad for us gay men. I simply didn’t felt comfortable to come out to Den and to the rest of them. That’s why I kept myself quiet.

Later some Den’s girl friend (a friend who is a girl :P) also joined us, her name is not that important, also, and I didn’t talk to her that much, so I will just mention her only here, it’s only important for you to know how many people were in the club that night.

After finishing bottle of rum with Den and Peter and Nathanael and that girl-friend (at home, because we returned home), we went out again, and the plan was to meet some other people and go clubbing. In the meanwhile, because we were drunk and we didn’t pay too much attention, we forgot Nathanael somewhere in the way. And from that moment on, I didn’t see him. He stayed in the apartment in the toilet and we simple left him there, he kinda got mad and didn’t go to the club by himself, later we spoke over Facebook, and he was okay, at least he get some sleep because he was working in the morning, so him staying and not going to the club was kinda good for him.

We meet some other people (I think it was like 5-6 people) somewhere near city center and we were heading to the club. I don’t remember their names, because first, it was Hungarian names, second, there are pronounced so weird, so I needed a lot of attention to just remember Den’s and Nathanael’s name, and with these guys, I was too drunk, so remembering names was kinda useless.

It was birthday of one girl and Peter and Den thought me to say “Happy birthday” but I forgot the phrase. All what I could say then was: “Hello, thanks” :) Den left us somewhere in between, because he was working in the other club, totally drunk :P

On the way to the club I was joking with a lot of people, talking, making friends. I was really drunk and for the first time in a very long time I got drunk and I was happy and smiling and enjoying dancing and laughing and it was another amazing experience.

The people I met were making me dance, buying me drinks, having fun with me, even though I saw them for the first time in my life. They were so friendly and so great, and to be honest, I also didn’t expect that. It was amazing; I simply don’t know how to explain it to you. We bounded a lot, made a lot of jokes and we only saw each other one time.

I returned home around 4 AM totally drunk. Den’s wasn’t able to come to the party where we all were because he was really busy. He got home around 4:30 AM; we drunk some water together and fall asleep.

Also, I must mention that one of Den’s friends (one guy in that 5-6 people group) was so freaking hot and so amazingly to watch while he was dancing. It was very pleasant sight. He was nicely dressed, great shaped body, kinda short, but totally my type of guy. And I like short guys :)

I was dancing even with him, but with a lot of other girls around, so it wasn’t that “gay”… And I even added him on Facebook, so perhaps, when I’m back in Budapest next time, someone will give me a warm welcome, if I find him gay in some chat or dunno. Facebook can do miracles. And yeah, when it’s necessary I can be a stalker… :) Yeah, I know, I’m a mean and very weird person. But what can I do, I miss kisses, hugging, cuddling, and talking to someone about anything. I’m such a gay :P

This whole night was the night to remember. I want to say thanks Den’s for everything he did for me, even though he will probably never read this. But I’m really grateful to him, he is a great guy.

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Fortune teller...

A small post between my "Budapest log" posts. David and Lucy promised me to bring me to the fortune teller soon, maybe in two-three days and it is only for fun. David's sister got amazed by what she saw her, and she didn't know anything else except her birthday and later she told her everything, described the people she cares about and stuff like that and David later came up with the idea to go there. Later, Lucy also joined and that all happened while I was in Budapest. Today, David told me that he would like if I also come and he even intended to ask her for me, even if I don't go with them, because he and Lucy are very amused with my story :) and not only because of Mike and Chris, but because I'm gay. My future is kinda very amusing and interesting, because of all the facts surrounding me.

So we are waiting for the call of that fortune teller, to see when she is in town, and we will go probably in Wednesday, I think. To be honest, I'm very scared but also very curious (we don't plan to tell her that I'm gay, to see what she will tell us) and David doesn't know about Lucy's secret crush on one of our friends (to whom I also told about my sexuality, I will name him later) and that story is also very complicated, Lucy told me everything after I came out to her. So this trip will be interesting, maybe dangerous, maybe risky, but all in all - a new experience. In the beginning I will probably only watch to see what she will tell David and Lucy, but maybe I will also join the circle of fortune telling.

This is so weird. Okay, you'll be updated, stay tuned for more about Budapest and revealing my future. And "Ask Me Anything"...

Thanks for reading and for following.

B.

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Budapest - Day 2 - Friday, February 4th

Finally, I woke up at 7 AM, well, Den woke me up, because he was going to his work and I was planning to walk around the city a bit and clear my messy head. I used my whole day to go around Budapest, watching buildings, people, monuments, just walking, getting across the famous Chain Bridge and sitting on the bench in the park which overlooks the Pest side of the Budapest. I stayed there for around one hour and I enjoyed the view and it was very relaxing. It was kinda cold, but I didn’t care. I was carefree and simply said – free. I enjoyed that feeling, and I was completely alone, which I wanted, because sometimes I like being totally alone and it was amazing. Budapest is such an old, beautiful, amazing city. I liked it a lot. I bought metro ticket for 7 days, got home so tired, my legs hurt so much, I met Den at “home”, who was working late and he told me that I can use his bike tomorrow if I would like to go around the city. We were talking about this the day before and I told him that I love driving a bike, so I accepted. Riding a bike is my huge hobby, by the way, and one of my dreams is to go around every city I visit by bike.

With this day I saw that I could trust Den completely and he was really trustful to me, too. He gave me his keys for the apartment even though I was a complete stranger. It was funny but in the same time the most interesting experience.

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Budapest - Day 1 - Thursday, February 3rd

I arrived at Keleti Train Station somewhere around 3 PM and 4 PM. A friend called Den was waiting for me. If you are not familiar with term ‘couch surfing’ please visit couchsurfing.org or simply Google it. He was my first couch surfing experience and now you can see how desperate I was to go somewhere and to relax a bit. To be honest, this was very risky and very reckless move to do, because I accepted his hosting even though he and I don’t have any references in his profile, but he was the only person who accepted me, and I have sent a lot of requests. But you must start somewhere, right? However, I’m not that reckless, of course I have added him on Facebook (to see if he’s genuine, and he was), but you know that one: you can never know. So, after getting off the train, I send him a text saying that I arrived and he told me to come at the entrance of that huge station. I slowly started going there, and was making myself not to think about all the other stuff I was thinking during my travel to Budapest, considering Mike, considering fight with my parents, considering my crappy city I left behind, considering my education which I was about to drop out. I was going to Budapest with the thought that maybe I won’t go back.

Of course I felt scared, because you are stepping into unknown and I was also scared because of Den, you are meeting someone unknown and you need to spend like few days in his apartment and sleep there and simply be in stranger’s company for a few days. He could be a killer, he could be a rapist, he could be who knows what, but simply sometimes you need to trust people and to let go. And I was making myself do that, and that thought helped me move away all the other stuff torturing me. Now I had a new problem. In Den’s profile, he seemed like a nice guy and until the end of this whole story you’ll see that he really is a great guy. I was scared, but when I met him, he seemed totally normal and cool guy – with very bad English. I don’t say my English is great, but Den’s English was very very bad. For example, one time when we talked, he made only one sentence in half an hour. And I tried to help him, we talked a lot, I taught him some phrases (like: ‘nose is running’ and stuff) but I had hard time understanding him. But we managed and I enjoyed a lot in his company, no matter language barrier. He was also very cute with his iPhone and his translator while we were talking and I’m not saying this in a mean way, it was simply cute. Even though he’s 25, he seemed like a small child. And right now I’m experiencing a huge smile, because I remembered him like that. When it comes to his physical looks, he really is cute, has blue eyes (as a lot of Hungarians) and was well-built, but not my type of guy, if you see him, you can say he is beautiful, but simply, even though he is beautiful, you are not attracted by him. I mean, at least I wasn’t, beside the fact that he IS hot and cute.

After meeting, we went outside and for the first time after 3 years I saw Budapest once again. I felt free, I felt the chills on my skin (because it was cold and because I simply enjoyed that), I saw building, people, and everything was so unknown and so new. Den and me took a bus and come to his building, in his neighbourhood. Now, my second float of fear was coming, because I need to enter his building and then his apartment. I was scared, but I forced my fear away and I manage to enter his room. And everything was – okay. He got me a sofa where I can sleep. I met his first roommate (he lives with 4 guys) and then we chatted and hangout till we decided to go to bed. He really looked like a great guy. From that moment and on, I knew that I could trust him and I did.

After talk and realizing that I will have a trouble with fast communication, we went to bed. That night, which is understandable, I didn’t slept well, because I was waking up every hour or two, simply because you are sleeping in a stranger’s room, and in a stranger’s bed. But with few days, I got used to it. And I miss his apartment and feeling of being safe there, which is weird to say, but with this fact you know how my first couch experience was, in one word – amazing. Honestly, I didn’t expect that. One good thing happened already during my first day. I made a friend, a really good friend.

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