Budapest - Day 3 - Saturday, February 5th

Woke up around 1 PM and 12 PM. I chatted a lot with Chris throughout whole trip and we really bounded, which was my point, so I can stay close to Mike, but also, it’s a way to easier for me to suppress all the feeling toward Mike if I find Chris okay guy and if I become maybe happy because they are together. During my stay in Budapest, I planned not to have any contact with a lot of people, but simply said, it was destiny, and usually me and Chris were online in the same time and we chatted a lot, talked about a lot of things (and not only considering this complicated situation) and cleared things out, which was great and kinda very healthy for the whole situation. It helped me a lot and I’m glad.

Later, after a talk with Chris, I prepared myself for the bike ride. The roads of Budapest and the weather (14° C) were amazing. The sun was shining, and it almost felt like spring. I love this kind of weather and it was simply perfect. I drove throughout the whole Budapest, sightseeing all the huge, beautiful buildings with bike, my real first love. I was completely free, like a bird, driving fast. Getting across the bridge and entering Buda. I was climbing to the hill to see a statue. Then I was driving more, alongside with other people who were riding the bike today. This was one of my best experiences, I can’t really explain why (is it because I didn’t ride my bike in more than half a year, or simply because I was driving the bike in Budapest, I don’t know), but I simply loved it and doing that on my own, completely free and completely alone made me feel like a child, I didn’t need to worry about anything, just cycling and hitting the break when it was necessary to do. I was cycling for about 3-4 hours maybe and it was getting darker and darker and I was getting really hungry and I needed to go to a toilet so I returned “home”, took a shower (which was so pleasant), waited for Den and thanked him so much. But the night and the day didn’t end here. We were planning to go to some party that Saturday night.

Den worked as a host in some Budapest night club so the plan was to drink somewhere before going to that club and joining Den. But the entrance was too much so we decided that we will go to some other club instead and before that, drinking at home and drinking in some other pub (where drinks are very cheap). Meanwhile, I will be socializing with Den’s friends, which sounded great for me.

First, at the beginning I met his friend, whose name is not that important, but for this post, we’ll call him Nathanael (what a name :P). We bought some bottle of vodka and we were drinking in Den’s apartment and playing Xbox. It was very interesting, especially because neither Den nor Nathanael could speak English that good.

It was kinda funny and the atmosphere was getting to be really great, because we were getting drunker and drunker. It was really amazing and I enjoyed that a lot. After finishing vodka, beers and watching funny clips on YouTube, we went out. We went first to some pub, but the line for entering was too long, so we just went home and bought some more drinks. In the way, some other Den’s friend joined us and Nathanael was kidding and making fun of him and he clearly mentioned that he consider him “gay” and even now I don’t know is Peter gay or not. But that moment, and the eye contact between him and Nathanael was kinda weird, like they tried to tell me something. Dunno, I didn’t want to think about that, and I didn’t want to come out to anyone on this trip unless I decide otherwise. Hungary is kinda gay-friendly, but still, it was my trip and I wanted to find myself and by telling all the people around me that I’m gay, I couldn’t do that, which is on the other hand very sad for us gay men. I simply didn’t felt comfortable to come out to Den and to the rest of them. That’s why I kept myself quiet.

Later some Den’s girl friend (a friend who is a girl :P) also joined us, her name is not that important, also, and I didn’t talk to her that much, so I will just mention her only here, it’s only important for you to know how many people were in the club that night.

After finishing bottle of rum with Den and Peter and Nathanael and that girl-friend (at home, because we returned home), we went out again, and the plan was to meet some other people and go clubbing. In the meanwhile, because we were drunk and we didn’t pay too much attention, we forgot Nathanael somewhere in the way. And from that moment on, I didn’t see him. He stayed in the apartment in the toilet and we simple left him there, he kinda got mad and didn’t go to the club by himself, later we spoke over Facebook, and he was okay, at least he get some sleep because he was working in the morning, so him staying and not going to the club was kinda good for him.

We meet some other people (I think it was like 5-6 people) somewhere near city center and we were heading to the club. I don’t remember their names, because first, it was Hungarian names, second, there are pronounced so weird, so I needed a lot of attention to just remember Den’s and Nathanael’s name, and with these guys, I was too drunk, so remembering names was kinda useless.

It was birthday of one girl and Peter and Den thought me to say “Happy birthday” but I forgot the phrase. All what I could say then was: “Hello, thanks” :) Den left us somewhere in between, because he was working in the other club, totally drunk :P

On the way to the club I was joking with a lot of people, talking, making friends. I was really drunk and for the first time in a very long time I got drunk and I was happy and smiling and enjoying dancing and laughing and it was another amazing experience.

The people I met were making me dance, buying me drinks, having fun with me, even though I saw them for the first time in my life. They were so friendly and so great, and to be honest, I also didn’t expect that. It was amazing; I simply don’t know how to explain it to you. We bounded a lot, made a lot of jokes and we only saw each other one time.

I returned home around 4 AM totally drunk. Den’s wasn’t able to come to the party where we all were because he was really busy. He got home around 4:30 AM; we drunk some water together and fall asleep.

Also, I must mention that one of Den’s friends (one guy in that 5-6 people group) was so freaking hot and so amazingly to watch while he was dancing. It was very pleasant sight. He was nicely dressed, great shaped body, kinda short, but totally my type of guy. And I like short guys :)

I was dancing even with him, but with a lot of other girls around, so it wasn’t that “gay”… And I even added him on Facebook, so perhaps, when I’m back in Budapest next time, someone will give me a warm welcome, if I find him gay in some chat or dunno. Facebook can do miracles. And yeah, when it’s necessary I can be a stalker… :) Yeah, I know, I’m a mean and very weird person. But what can I do, I miss kisses, hugging, cuddling, and talking to someone about anything. I’m such a gay :P

This whole night was the night to remember. I want to say thanks Den’s for everything he did for me, even though he will probably never read this. But I’m really grateful to him, he is a great guy.

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Fortune teller...

A small post between my "Budapest log" posts. David and Lucy promised me to bring me to the fortune teller soon, maybe in two-three days and it is only for fun. David's sister got amazed by what she saw her, and she didn't know anything else except her birthday and later she told her everything, described the people she cares about and stuff like that and David later came up with the idea to go there. Later, Lucy also joined and that all happened while I was in Budapest. Today, David told me that he would like if I also come and he even intended to ask her for me, even if I don't go with them, because he and Lucy are very amused with my story :) and not only because of Mike and Chris, but because I'm gay. My future is kinda very amusing and interesting, because of all the facts surrounding me.

So we are waiting for the call of that fortune teller, to see when she is in town, and we will go probably in Wednesday, I think. To be honest, I'm very scared but also very curious (we don't plan to tell her that I'm gay, to see what she will tell us) and David doesn't know about Lucy's secret crush on one of our friends (to whom I also told about my sexuality, I will name him later) and that story is also very complicated, Lucy told me everything after I came out to her. So this trip will be interesting, maybe dangerous, maybe risky, but all in all - a new experience. In the beginning I will probably only watch to see what she will tell David and Lucy, but maybe I will also join the circle of fortune telling.

This is so weird. Okay, you'll be updated, stay tuned for more about Budapest and revealing my future. And "Ask Me Anything"...

Thanks for reading and for following.

B.

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Budapest - Day 2 - Friday, February 4th

Finally, I woke up at 7 AM, well, Den woke me up, because he was going to his work and I was planning to walk around the city a bit and clear my messy head. I used my whole day to go around Budapest, watching buildings, people, monuments, just walking, getting across the famous Chain Bridge and sitting on the bench in the park which overlooks the Pest side of the Budapest. I stayed there for around one hour and I enjoyed the view and it was very relaxing. It was kinda cold, but I didn’t care. I was carefree and simply said – free. I enjoyed that feeling, and I was completely alone, which I wanted, because sometimes I like being totally alone and it was amazing. Budapest is such an old, beautiful, amazing city. I liked it a lot. I bought metro ticket for 7 days, got home so tired, my legs hurt so much, I met Den at “home”, who was working late and he told me that I can use his bike tomorrow if I would like to go around the city. We were talking about this the day before and I told him that I love driving a bike, so I accepted. Riding a bike is my huge hobby, by the way, and one of my dreams is to go around every city I visit by bike.

With this day I saw that I could trust Den completely and he was really trustful to me, too. He gave me his keys for the apartment even though I was a complete stranger. It was funny but in the same time the most interesting experience.

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Budapest - Day 1 - Thursday, February 3rd

I arrived at Keleti Train Station somewhere around 3 PM and 4 PM. A friend called Den was waiting for me. If you are not familiar with term ‘couch surfing’ please visit couchsurfing.org or simply Google it. He was my first couch surfing experience and now you can see how desperate I was to go somewhere and to relax a bit. To be honest, this was very risky and very reckless move to do, because I accepted his hosting even though he and I don’t have any references in his profile, but he was the only person who accepted me, and I have sent a lot of requests. But you must start somewhere, right? However, I’m not that reckless, of course I have added him on Facebook (to see if he’s genuine, and he was), but you know that one: you can never know. So, after getting off the train, I send him a text saying that I arrived and he told me to come at the entrance of that huge station. I slowly started going there, and was making myself not to think about all the other stuff I was thinking during my travel to Budapest, considering Mike, considering fight with my parents, considering my crappy city I left behind, considering my education which I was about to drop out. I was going to Budapest with the thought that maybe I won’t go back.

Of course I felt scared, because you are stepping into unknown and I was also scared because of Den, you are meeting someone unknown and you need to spend like few days in his apartment and sleep there and simply be in stranger’s company for a few days. He could be a killer, he could be a rapist, he could be who knows what, but simply sometimes you need to trust people and to let go. And I was making myself do that, and that thought helped me move away all the other stuff torturing me. Now I had a new problem. In Den’s profile, he seemed like a nice guy and until the end of this whole story you’ll see that he really is a great guy. I was scared, but when I met him, he seemed totally normal and cool guy – with very bad English. I don’t say my English is great, but Den’s English was very very bad. For example, one time when we talked, he made only one sentence in half an hour. And I tried to help him, we talked a lot, I taught him some phrases (like: ‘nose is running’ and stuff) but I had hard time understanding him. But we managed and I enjoyed a lot in his company, no matter language barrier. He was also very cute with his iPhone and his translator while we were talking and I’m not saying this in a mean way, it was simply cute. Even though he’s 25, he seemed like a small child. And right now I’m experiencing a huge smile, because I remembered him like that. When it comes to his physical looks, he really is cute, has blue eyes (as a lot of Hungarians) and was well-built, but not my type of guy, if you see him, you can say he is beautiful, but simply, even though he is beautiful, you are not attracted by him. I mean, at least I wasn’t, beside the fact that he IS hot and cute.

After meeting, we went outside and for the first time after 3 years I saw Budapest once again. I felt free, I felt the chills on my skin (because it was cold and because I simply enjoyed that), I saw building, people, and everything was so unknown and so new. Den and me took a bus and come to his building, in his neighbourhood. Now, my second float of fear was coming, because I need to enter his building and then his apartment. I was scared, but I forced my fear away and I manage to enter his room. And everything was – okay. He got me a sofa where I can sleep. I met his first roommate (he lives with 4 guys) and then we chatted and hangout till we decided to go to bed. He really looked like a great guy. From that moment and on, I knew that I could trust him and I did.

After talk and realizing that I will have a trouble with fast communication, we went to bed. That night, which is understandable, I didn’t slept well, because I was waking up every hour or two, simply because you are sleeping in a stranger’s room, and in a stranger’s bed. But with few days, I got used to it. And I miss his apartment and feeling of being safe there, which is weird to say, but with this fact you know how my first couch experience was, in one word – amazing. Honestly, I didn’t expect that. One good thing happened already during my first day. I made a friend, a really good friend.

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Back at home

Yesterday, after 10 days, I got back home from Budapest. I spent 10 A M A Z I N G days in Budapest and I returned home as a new person, I can simply say that to you. I realised a lot of things, met a lot of people, and lived a free life. I relaxed, found something new, experience something new, and I had a great time. I miss Budapest and all the people I met there.

This experience I experienced in only 10 days is PRICELESS. I will tell you more about it in future posts, so stay tuned... I'm starting to write my day one today.

Right now, I'm going to eat in my own kitchen and to take a shower in my own bathroom and get ready for the university...

Thanks everybody for reading and for being there for me. Btw, I have a questions, what is going on with wayner, I didn't hear from him in more than a month??? I'm kinda worried... Did anyone see him on another blogs?

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I came to Budapest :)

I'm just posting this short post to tell you I happily and successfully came to Budapest, and I have Internet and everything is fine. I hanged out with Mike yesterday, and with Chris, imagine that, what a weird situation, all three of us with a lot of drama behind us. It was too hard for me, because I was watching and torturing myself, but I wanted to say "Goodbye" to Mike and I did. Everything went fine, I missed him..

Okay, that's all for now, I wanna go out a bit in the city and see what is going on...

Thanks for reading and for all your comments, I'll try to reply on them... :)

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Budapest, here I come...

After everything, all drama, everything that happened, I feel like I’m choking and like I will slowly go insane. I screwed my exams, my relationship with Mike, my relationship with parents, everything. I feel so down and what I will write right now it’ll probably sound childish, reckless and like run away from problems, but there’s nothing else I can do. I was thinking about this a long time ago, and now, I planned everything and it feels like right thing to do, and the time is right, because of everything.

I can’t stay in this city, in this country, cause everything reminds me on Mike, I’m torturing my parents and I’m slowly dying mentally, because like I said million times before, I feel like a stranger.

I talked with my parents, I was thinking about this long time ago, to go somewhere, to clear my head, to start MY own life, to be free, to be myself, to fulfill myself.

They gave me their bless, I even found some job opportunities and in exactly two days I’m heading my way to Budapest, Hungary. And yeah, I'm putting that in public here, I won't be that mysterious like last time I went to some journey in April.

I had a chat with Chris once more, after everything, yesterday and the day before yesterday and we cleared things out, not everything but we had a nice chat. He was outraged that night and dunno what to think, about him, about Mike, about everything. I feel like naïve and very giving-myself-too-much person, because I consciously was dragged into all this, because this what I felt for Mike it’s unique, I’m aware of that, and I wanted to try anything (and when I say anything I mean anything) just to be there for him, to help him and to be next to him, I still love him no matter what and I care for him more than you can imagine, but it is impossible to be there next to him and my heart hurts like it never hurt before. I don't want to torture Chris too, because he's too possessive person, and that's how he'll make new problems for Mike and torture him more. I'm putting myself aside and I will pray and hope that Mike is alright. It will be hard, but it will be probably better far away from them, so I don't get into temptation to call them, to hear from Mike. I will have new life and new obligations, new people and new meaning. And one day, if I ever get over Mike, I know that it will be so hard and it will take a lot of time, cause I simply feel like this, 6 months after the breakup. Nothing changed, my feelings are the same, they didn't change even a tiny lil bit.

Thank you so much for reading, for all your comments, for everything, every single word on my blog, in your comments, in your emails means a world to me.

I simply love this blog.

Here’s one song for you, which is filmed in Budapest, very beautiful city. I love it! Enjoy!

Stay tuned, cause I won’t leave this blog, can’t wait to start my new adventure somewhere else.

Budapest, here I come! :)

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How I Lost Mike part 2

Read first part HERE. This post will be fast one, sorry for not going into details, but I really cant, because it is still too emotional.

Okay, after going to the station with Mike, we were waiting for bus, and chatting. I still felt that it will be the last time I see him. Then suddenly, one bus passed in other direction and Chris stepped out from it and started running and yelling at me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? GO GO GO, RIGHT NOW! Mike hold him and he tried to attack me.

He said to me in very laud voice to go and never to come back and because I saw that situations is quite bad and that he is MENTAL, I went, but I went only for one station and was in Mike's neighbourhood, hidden, trying to see if Mike is alright. By the way, this scene was being watched by a lot of other people who were at the station and were going out from the bus. Chris stayed with Mike, and I even saw that he started yelling at him, because he was still hurt from Mike cheating on him and dunno why, he's simply MENTAL and has a lot of issues, you can see that clearly. I tried to be his friend, honestly, and I was feeling kinda relieved and I even started caring for him, and I started and intended to understand him and he attacked me.

I stayed in neighbourhood for about an hour, it was too late and my dad were calling me and making a scene because I didn't answer at first (and God knows what he thought, probably that I'm with some new guy and stuff)... And then while I was being at neighbourhood, I tried calling Chris, to tell him that I didn't meant anything bad, that I ruined my whole day just because I was worried about HIM (Chris) and what he did to Mike's friend store and because I was worried that he killed himself and that he did something stupid... I'm so stupid, so retarded, so pathetic and so miserable person. I felt like shit, and then while I got through the call, Chris told me some nasty stuff over the phone, which proved all my pathetic, miserable, retarded mood.

I returned home, dunno how, dunno why, dunno how I got there. I felt like the last wretch on this planet. I entered home and because my father was in a mood, I had a HUGE fight with my parents, about everything. Because for them, as long as you are quite, and as long as you don't say anything, it was okay...

That day was a disaster, and I don't know how I handle it...

Sorry for being this fast and maybe confusing and maybe I didn't put a lot of details, but you got the point and I am to emotional to write about it, as you can see. I can't think straight (what a pun)... I'm tired, going to bed...

Thanks for reading and for following, hope you understand... I love you all... Good night! Tomorrow I will try to continue...

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Ask Me Anything January 2011

Ask Me Anything

Did you start writing your blog in your mother language? nd btw, what will it be about?

Yes I did. I have bought .com domain and I even started blogging. For now, I’m blogging about regular stuff, music, movies, books, my thoughts and stuff like that, but I also plan to blog about gay stuff, gay life and gay culture here in my country. And I will try to write without fear, I’m still anonymous and I will remain like that until I decide opposite. It looks like a nice blog and I really like it. I got some first visitors. Also the plan is to make people come to blog on regular basis, I mean, I won’t mention gay stuff until I have a lot of visits, and then I will “shock” them and I will tell the whole truth about gay society, about our society and everything I find interesting. Maybe one day I will link it to this blog, I would really like that. We’ll see. Thanks for asking. Also, interesting fact is that I have found few gay blogs in my mother tongue... They are kinda nice, and I'm reading them.

Don't you feel a bit confused ab being gay and hearing (i guess) usually from ur parents questions like"why don't you have girlfriend?" (Did they ask you if you are gay?)

Lol, this question was asked before I told you that I came out to my parents, and to tell you the truth, while I was in relationship with Mike and before I told them about me, I had told my parents that I’m in relationship with some girl, so I could go out whenever I wanted and stuff like that. Also, I’m not that open to my parents and I was always closed kid, so they are used to the fact and they didn’t ever ask me that, until one day I told them I have a “girlfriend” meaning “boyfriend”. Later they found out everything.

What place would you like to visit in Europe?

I visited a lot places in Europe, but I have never been to United Kingdom, Sweden or Spain and that’s the places I would like to visit one day, and I will for sure. Maybe that will happen soon.

Did you meet any new gay-guys?

I met only one guy one month ago. He was my last hope. I went on a date with him to see am I ready, and I saw I am not. The interesting fact is that this guy, who we will name George, is going to the same faculty with David, my best friend from childhood. We become nice friends with him, went on parties few times and talk a lot online, he’s a good guy, but I’m not attracted to him, even though he’s cute, and kinda he’s bit immature for me, that’s why I don’t want to have anything with him. I told him honestly what I think, as I always do to people and we are friends now, and it really starts to be good friendship. Also, I can’t get Mike out of my head… And I wonder will I ever. Seems impossible, and I know that what I felt for Mike is hard to repeat again.

Thanks for asking... Ask Me Anything

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How I lost Mike

This will be strange post, and maybe a bit confusing, but with that you can see how I feel. Totally confused, full of million thoughts, and dunno what to do next. It will be probably a stupid move, but I can’t handle the situation anymore. This is the first time I’m writing this post and the actual situation is happening, if you understand me. Every post I wrote in past year was only retelling the past; this is the post for the future and the things that are happening right now.

Okay, so as I said before, I gained my peace with Mike and Chris, but for a short time. Few days ago, everything was perfect, I talked to Chris and I started to get his trust. Two days I even were at Mike’s house without him getting all jealous and angry. It was going to be nice and perfect friendship or whatever, until the day Mike decides to tell Chris whole truth, and then he told him that he cheated on him with some guy, the boyfriend of his friend. It was only kiss and nothing more. That night I wasn’t sleeping and I was watching some TV Show and couldn’t fall asleep until the morning. Then I got message at about 8 AM, it was from Chris. It said: B, please call me.

I called him and he told me that he broke the window glasses in the store of that Mike’s friend. That the friend of Mike’s made him to hook up with his own boyfriend and that he’s hurt and that he can’t speak. I was getting emotional shock, because I knew that Chris is very unstable and that he can do harm to himself. I told him to stay calm and to go with Mike. I called Mike, he was crying and saying he’s a jerk, that he’s not alright and stuff like that. I was getting so nervous and so worried about them both.

Later, when I called Mike (Chris’s phone was off), he told me that Chris is in his house and everything is okay. Then I felt slight relief, but only for a short time. I sent them both message to tell me when they finish and when they are okay, and I went to a friend’s house, because I promised my friend that I would come along. I didn’t slept the whole day and I was so tired.

Cause once Mike told me that Chris was even capable of killing himself and Mike, because Mike isn’t with him. It is some fucked up stuff, like we call it the yellow moment (moment when you don’t think clearly), I got worried like hell. I was calling both Chris and Mike’s phone, and both were off. I went from friend’s house directly to Mike’s neihgbourhood and was going around, trying to convince myself to go into Mike’s house. I was scared, because maybe his sister could be there, his father is not the problem because he knows me, and the second fear was to enter the house and see both Mike and Chris together. Okay, for one moment while talking with Chris, I even wanted to see them together, but in that moment, while I was wandering around Mike’s neighbourhood, I wasn’t ready. So I wanted… Then I went to the shop where the friend of Mike (the one who “made” mike kiss him boyfriend) and I saw the broken glasses. Then I returned to Mike and entered the house and saw his father. He just told me to go upstairs and I entered Mike’s room. Meanwhile, while being outside I called Chris’s number and some woman picked up. She told me that she doesn’t know no one named Chris, that she found the mobile and that she doesn’t care anymore, because the mobile is her and she asked me not to call this number again. Then I got mental, because I made scenario that Chris throw his mobile somewhere and killed himself. I was calling and telling the woman that it’s matter of life and death and that please she must tell me where she found the mobile, I don’t care about the mobile, she can keep it, I just need to find Chris. I called several times and everything, the woman was acting weird and she hung up on me. Then I decided to enter Mike’s house no matter what. Because I needed to find what happened, the situations was getting to be really really serious and dangerous.

I saw Mike sleeping; I was scared as hell, because I thought that Chris did something to Mike. I entered the room breathing very fast and I was so tired because I didn’t sleep the whole day, and I was feeling slight fever on my face. I even thought in one moment that I fill faint, but I didn’t, thank God. I talked to Mike and he told me that they had a huge fight, that Chris took his SIM card and changed all Mike’s passwords online (Facebook, Skype, Windows Live Messenger, fake Facebook)… Everything. He removed me from Mike’s friend list. He removed anyone connecting Mike with that friend, removed all connection Mike to gay world and left.

Then I called Chris’s number and the phone still was off. Me and Mike were talking for some time, he was getting widely awake and we even cried, talked about Mike and Chris’s relationship, about what I think about Mike and we both got very emotional and cried like little babies. He was smoking, he was fully clothed. I was going online on my Facebook and sending messages to Chris (because I still had him in my friends list), trying to see if he’s online on Skype and stuff like that. I got really worried, and then after I while, Mike was ready to leave to search for Chris. We meant to go to the apartment where Chris’s brother lived and it’s empty now, and Chris uses it from time to time. Mike got ready and we went outside.

Okay, now we come to some very emotional part, it’s so hard for me to write. The whole time I was talking to Mike and while I saw what Chris did to him (meaning on that passwords and stuff); I simply knew that I see Mike for the last time. And I was feeling that the whole way to the bus station…

Ok, sorry for this, but I really can’t finish this post right now. I can’t write and I can’t concentrate. I’m getting to emotional over all. Please understand me. I will tell you the rest of the story next time.

Thanks for reading and sorry for all grammatical mistakes, I really couldn’t reread the post, because it’s really hard for me. I’m really depressed all 5 days since this happened, and you’ll see why.

B.

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Ask me Anything (from June 2010 till January 2011)

Okay, this will be one long post, so get prepared, cause I will answer first 10 questions I didn't when they are originally published. Here we go... :)


Also, before the questions, I would really like your comments and opinions about my coming out to my parents, so please take your time and read my post published today, it is really important for me. Thanks in advance... My coming out post is here...

1. Could you describe yourself(I mean if you're fit or not,how tall' are you etc)] [if not i get it,'cause i know that you don't wanna say who are you and where are you from, it's priv informations] (8 months ago)

I will answer this no matter what… I’m quite tall, I have already said that, 187 cm or 6 feet and two inches, I think at least, I don’t use that, I just tried to convert that for you guys. And after going back to University, a lot of people told me that I grew up, so it’s maybe even more, I didn’t measure myself for a long time. I’m very fit and a lot of people say that I have perfect shape and body proportions. I started to work out regularly at home with some professional program cause I want to get some weight and to be more muscular, but I stopped when all this with Mike and parents happened, I just have too much on my mind to worry about getting muscular and stuff. And I even started to train something very interesting, the hip-hop, but later I stopped… Well, me and Mike started going there together, he made me to go there, and I made him start that, because he had something to make him feel better, and he loves to dance, and he’s really good at that. Also, for example Mike used to tell me a lot that I look like some model and that I need to try something in that direction, so who knows, maybe one day. Hehe, who knows?

2. Are you gay or still bi if you care ab that? (8 months ago)

To be honest, I don’t care about that at all. I don’t wanna label myself, and if you really would like to know, I’m gay. I’m comfortable with myself being gay and that’s all. Maybe it will happen that I fall in love with some woman, but for now, I know that I’m attracted by men and it will stay that way until I tell you it’s different. But I won’t pay too much attention on labels, I will live my life whatever I want, if it happens that I someday turn back to straight or bi, I don’t care, it happened, and I won’t regret any second of my gay life. I’m what I am, I’m happy now and finally I feel free and fulfilled and I’m so happy because of that. I’m proud of myself and that is the most important of everything. I have left my psychical struggle behind me and I feel for the first time in my life totally relaxed and happy (but only when it comes to my confusion, the other part of me is so sad because of everything which happened to me because of being the way I am)… But I don’t care, life is hard… or life’s a bitch, and then you die :)

3. What's a bad experience you've had with a health care worker (e.g. nurse, doctor, etc)? (6 months ago)

Hahahahahaah, this is so funny question, cause I only can think on one situation and it’s only my fault and no one’s else. I got drunk with D. and I was really excited cause I met him (that was the night when I met him even thought I fell in love long before that)… So that night D. and me got REALLY REALLY drunk and we ended up in hospital and doctor and nurse thought that I was drugged or something so they wanted to give me some operation, and they prepared me for that, so they stick some little thingy down my penis, I don’t know how to say it in English, but the use is to drain my piss down that little thingy into one bag while I’m on operation. That PAIN was the worst pain I have ever felt and I woke up and came round instantly and I was yelling: “Take that out of me. I want to go to bathroom”… Even though I was totally drunk and totally at the edge of life, I felt that PAIN and it brought me back. Later, my parents even told me that I was on reanimation, which I really can’t believe… But that experience was really strange and totally different from anything I have ever felt… Like I was alive, but I was floating somewhere between… Conscious, but still unconscious… Alive, but maybe on the edge… For one moment, I could even see my body and I everything was foggy and like behind some glass. My conscious mind was still there, but it was only a small amount of my consciousness. Strange feeling. I will remember that day until the rest of my life. Sometimes I even call it my second birthday just for a joke. My friends are also making a lot of jokes on that account, cause they know the whole story with the little thingy… Also, don’t think that I’m crazy when I say the stuff about being floating around. I just felt that way and maybe my mind played tricks on me after the whole incident, in order to retell what happened that night. I don’t remember much of the evening, but I just know that I ended on the bed next to D. in the hospital and that mine and his parents met. And from that day and on we were friends and “brothers by rum”. We were drinking rum. Aek, hope you are satisfied with your answer ;)

4. What is the status of your education? Are you going to university and if so will that take you away from Mike? (6 months ago)

This question was asked when I was in relationship with Mike, and to tell you the truth, it wouldn’t take me away from Mike, and Mike was the person who was forcing me to study a lot. He was my support and helped me a lot in that way. But later our relationship ended and to be honest I neglected my education for some short time, but I made my marks better later, and I’m okay now. I was emotionally stressed, and with everything happened, it is only normal for me to be like that.

5. Ask ab anything,hmm.... 1)Where do you want to move out?i mean ab country-'cause you mentioned it in your last post. 2) I guess that you live in Europe, but you dont live in Poland, do you? 3)Are you thinking ab having kids?of course in the future.

1) Dunno, my dream country is of course United States (NYC) as I mentioned before somewhere on my blog or somewhere in Europe, maybe France or Netherlands or even Sweden. Also, I adore Japan, so, who knows. We’ll see what life holds for me.

2) Yes, I will tell the big secret, I am from Europe and no I do not live in Poland.

3) Kids, that’s big deal and big questions for gays. To be honest I would like to have kids, but currently, I’m not feeling like having kids. Maybe that will change with time, I’m still young and I want to enjoy life. Later I will think about kids and having family of my own.

6. I keep asking... 4) For your last experience(making love) you should know what do you prefer :being top, bottom or maybe it's doesnt matter? 5)What do you study? Thx for reply ;] (6 months ago)

4) I’m that called veritable or whatever it is called or spelled, but I enjoyed being top more. I tried top more and I enjoyed it more, as for me I’m more top… Hope you are satisfied.

5) I can’t tell you what I’m studying cause it’s very specific, it has something to do with arts and that’s all what I can tell you. It can be interesting, it is also very useful and if you like it, very exciting. But if you are really interested in me and what I'm studying, please send me an email and we can talk. It's more private and I'm getting to know one more person, and that's also one of the things this blog is made for. Thanks for asking

7. Hey,Is everything ok? I guess that you finished your blog,did you? Anyway Take care ;) (2 months ago) (2 months ago)

Everything was okay and I didn’t finish my blog, I will never finish it, I will blog it until something happen to me, don’t worry, I just wasn’t inspired to write and a lot had happened and then I was to emotional to write and it is very hard for me to write in English, but I'm really getting used to that, I learned a lot and I'm still learning and I'm getting more and more relaxed with both English and my honesty. But now I’m back and everything will be much more better because I love writing and I love blogging… Thanks for caring… Love you all.

8. In one of your posts, you said you kinda didnt like one of the guy from dating website cause he was 'too bold'. I dont understand why that would be a problem. and secondly you dont seem to like 'feminine gays' , dont you think thats too judgemental ofyou?

Why is that judgmental? I’m just having my type of guy. I personally don’t like feminine gays and I’m not attracted by them even though I’m gay, and I don’t have anything against them. I met few and some of them are nice person. I judge persons only if they are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and that’s all. Also, I was chatting with that bold guy and he lied to me that he’s bold, and I wasn’t attracted to him, so maybe you got me wrong, we even talked after that a lot, until we lost touch because I told him I’m not for a relationship with him, that’s all. So why I’m being judgmental, I just have my opinion and my type of a man.

9. A few questions down you said about a site an some creepy people talking of wanking an stuff? Man, It only takes a piece of dust to fall on you for others to call you more than just gay. I mean no harm. Im a gay kid too, Q: Why judge others. Stones-Stick (3 weeks ago)

To be honest, I didn’t understand this question completely and personally, I’m not into wanking and stuff over webcam on that kind of sites. I’m more of having relationship with some guy, enjoying wanking together when you have some feelings toward him and “making love” not “having sex” – if you understand me. I don’t have anything against these people, but I also have opinion and I call them “creepy” because it creped me when I first was offered that. I didn’t mean anything bad, I just expressed how I felt in that moment. Now I’m used to it and I simply say: “Not interested” and we both move on. I said also creepy people because I clearly said on my profile that I don’t want that, and they still offered it, dunno why. And I hate when people doesn’t read the profile. I’m not that kind of person and I’m not into quick stuff, I'm simply creepy and weird on my own way… Hope I answered your question. Thanks for asking. :)

10. Where are you from? (one week ago)

I already said in this post that I’m from Europe and that’s all what you will know until I decide opposite. Thanks for asking :) And if you wish to know really where I'm from, e-mail me and if I decide to tell you, you will know, I first would like to get to know you, and I don't wanna repeat myself, I already mentioned this in the question about my studies...

That's all for now, thanks for asking and thanks for reading... I hope you are all satisfied. Now I'm gone to study a little and to eat something, it's morning, beautiful morning...

Bye,

B.

P.S. Next group of questions will be answered soon (I really hope so :P)

P.P.S. Also, feel free to ask me anything else HERE.

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