How I lost Mike

This will be strange post, and maybe a bit confusing, but with that you can see how I feel. Totally confused, full of million thoughts, and dunno what to do next. It will be probably a stupid move, but I can’t handle the situation anymore. This is the first time I’m writing this post and the actual situation is happening, if you understand me. Every post I wrote in past year was only retelling the past; this is the post for the future and the things that are happening right now.

Okay, so as I said before, I gained my peace with Mike and Chris, but for a short time. Few days ago, everything was perfect, I talked to Chris and I started to get his trust. Two days I even were at Mike’s house without him getting all jealous and angry. It was going to be nice and perfect friendship or whatever, until the day Mike decides to tell Chris whole truth, and then he told him that he cheated on him with some guy, the boyfriend of his friend. It was only kiss and nothing more. That night I wasn’t sleeping and I was watching some TV Show and couldn’t fall asleep until the morning. Then I got message at about 8 AM, it was from Chris. It said: B, please call me.

I called him and he told me that he broke the window glasses in the store of that Mike’s friend. That the friend of Mike’s made him to hook up with his own boyfriend and that he’s hurt and that he can’t speak. I was getting emotional shock, because I knew that Chris is very unstable and that he can do harm to himself. I told him to stay calm and to go with Mike. I called Mike, he was crying and saying he’s a jerk, that he’s not alright and stuff like that. I was getting so nervous and so worried about them both.

Later, when I called Mike (Chris’s phone was off), he told me that Chris is in his house and everything is okay. Then I felt slight relief, but only for a short time. I sent them both message to tell me when they finish and when they are okay, and I went to a friend’s house, because I promised my friend that I would come along. I didn’t slept the whole day and I was so tired.

Cause once Mike told me that Chris was even capable of killing himself and Mike, because Mike isn’t with him. It is some fucked up stuff, like we call it the yellow moment (moment when you don’t think clearly), I got worried like hell. I was calling both Chris and Mike’s phone, and both were off. I went from friend’s house directly to Mike’s neihgbourhood and was going around, trying to convince myself to go into Mike’s house. I was scared, because maybe his sister could be there, his father is not the problem because he knows me, and the second fear was to enter the house and see both Mike and Chris together. Okay, for one moment while talking with Chris, I even wanted to see them together, but in that moment, while I was wandering around Mike’s neighbourhood, I wasn’t ready. So I wanted… Then I went to the shop where the friend of Mike (the one who “made” mike kiss him boyfriend) and I saw the broken glasses. Then I returned to Mike and entered the house and saw his father. He just told me to go upstairs and I entered Mike’s room. Meanwhile, while being outside I called Chris’s number and some woman picked up. She told me that she doesn’t know no one named Chris, that she found the mobile and that she doesn’t care anymore, because the mobile is her and she asked me not to call this number again. Then I got mental, because I made scenario that Chris throw his mobile somewhere and killed himself. I was calling and telling the woman that it’s matter of life and death and that please she must tell me where she found the mobile, I don’t care about the mobile, she can keep it, I just need to find Chris. I called several times and everything, the woman was acting weird and she hung up on me. Then I decided to enter Mike’s house no matter what. Because I needed to find what happened, the situations was getting to be really really serious and dangerous.

I saw Mike sleeping; I was scared as hell, because I thought that Chris did something to Mike. I entered the room breathing very fast and I was so tired because I didn’t sleep the whole day, and I was feeling slight fever on my face. I even thought in one moment that I fill faint, but I didn’t, thank God. I talked to Mike and he told me that they had a huge fight, that Chris took his SIM card and changed all Mike’s passwords online (Facebook, Skype, Windows Live Messenger, fake Facebook)… Everything. He removed me from Mike’s friend list. He removed anyone connecting Mike with that friend, removed all connection Mike to gay world and left.

Then I called Chris’s number and the phone still was off. Me and Mike were talking for some time, he was getting widely awake and we even cried, talked about Mike and Chris’s relationship, about what I think about Mike and we both got very emotional and cried like little babies. He was smoking, he was fully clothed. I was going online on my Facebook and sending messages to Chris (because I still had him in my friends list), trying to see if he’s online on Skype and stuff like that. I got really worried, and then after I while, Mike was ready to leave to search for Chris. We meant to go to the apartment where Chris’s brother lived and it’s empty now, and Chris uses it from time to time. Mike got ready and we went outside.

Okay, now we come to some very emotional part, it’s so hard for me to write. The whole time I was talking to Mike and while I saw what Chris did to him (meaning on that passwords and stuff); I simply knew that I see Mike for the last time. And I was feeling that the whole way to the bus station…

Ok, sorry for this, but I really can’t finish this post right now. I can’t write and I can’t concentrate. I’m getting to emotional over all. Please understand me. I will tell you the rest of the story next time.

Thanks for reading and sorry for all grammatical mistakes, I really couldn’t reread the post, because it’s really hard for me. I’m really depressed all 5 days since this happened, and you’ll see why.

B.