The Dating Problems And Again Simone

:) I'm back, and I'm finally on holiday (for Easter and for Spring Break)... I'm free until 25th of April and I will use this holiday to travel, study (catch up with my subjects) and to enjoy my time with some guy, probably.

As you all know, I hang around on some dating site a lot, which is kinda bad and disgusting sometimes, but what can I do... I don't have any other way to find someone, I mean gay/bi person... I will explain you the "system" of this site.

You have the profile with some information of you... If you want to be "ranked" higher, you need to put some picture... I have some partly nude photo of my torso. Then you find someone by selecting criteria, and that's basically all. And there is even a age limit, but that no one reads there. You got a message from 30 and 40 year-olds and that's kinda too sick, and their offers are really disgusting... I don't even have words to describe how I feel about that, but I kinda expected that... But with time you get used to that and you simply write down: 'Not interested' or 'No' and everything is fine.

Generally speaking, everyone there from my country is looking for "non-fem", "normal", "interesting" persons, even though the one who are looking for that are for example fem. What an irony!

Then because messaging system is kinda slow, but still very nicely done, everyone is asking for MSN, to chat more instant... And yeah, you need to make fake one :P lol

Then after "meeting" online you start chatting and usually they are asking for face picture to see how you look, or a webcam talk. I usually try to avoid this kinda of talk and sending pictures (or putting them as a avatar) until I get some impression about someone. There is a lot of fake profile and people using others pictures as theirs, so I'm kinda afraid that someone will recognise me or even steal my picture, so I wait as long as nessessery before showing the picture to someone.

And for example, if they ask you a question: "How big is your dick?" or "Do you life alone?" and stuff like that after two or three minutes, you need to block that person immediately :-). At least, I do that, cause those people are only looking for quick sex. And the 90% of that site is like that :-(

BUT... and this 'but' is a good 'but'... There is a little group of people like me, I mean unexperienced, searching for something good, normal, romantic, honest and beautiful. And even though I had profile for almost 2 years now, I have never tried to try anything (meaning on meeting in person and having some kind of experience) until I met Ian and you all know how that date passed.

But recently, I've been meeting a lot of NORMAL and nice people, which is kinda good (there is still hope that gay world in my country are not that screwed). I can talk now more freely (without paranoia and fear) with them... See, I'm even more talkative here, also :-)

And then I met three persons who tickled my imagination and my heart, because I think that I have found what I was looking for, but the main problem is which one of these three are the one for me. Now I feel like some slut. Teasing them and choosing like they are some toys :-( you will see, it's not that bad, I think. And I would like to hear your opinion about all this.

The first one is Alex. He's 25 years old (which is kinda too much for me for now), but he's so good and so smooth talker that basically he got me, meaning I like him. The way he talks with me is amazing. He's so out going and so nice. When I talk to him I feel kinda nice and it's amazing feeling. He wishes me good mornings and good nights and I can't get bored with him. We are doing a lot of flirt over the phone. The only problem beside his age is that he's bit bold, not entirely, just his hair is not that "bushy". He has problem with his hair. I saw him on the pictures and on the camera, and to be honest I didn't like him physically but I liked him psychically so I'm eager to give him another chance at our date when we are going to meet in person and that will be somewhere after 12th of April. Lol, and I don't even know his real name, I only know the first letter, which is A. He told me that he want to save that for meeting in person, he's so sweet. And one other guy, who was one short time "active" about all this dating stuff, told me that he met Alex in person and that he didn't like him cause he's too short and too bold and too pushy, so he ditched him. But I won't let that his opinion blind me with my impression of Alex (that much), I will just be careful and that's all. Nothing will happen without my permission, even Alex told me that. And a few times, I get paranoid that he's telling this stuff to every single guy who is his maybe future boyfriend, he's older and more experienced then me. I don't know, he can't be that bad. We'll see...

The second guy will be called V. I also don't know his name, not even the first letter. He sent me a message a bit after Alex and I clearly said to him that I'm in process of talking with some guy and I'm only available for "hanging around as friends" meaning, I would like to talk and that kind of stuff, nothing beside, cause I'm almost "in a relationship". And he was cool with that cause I seemed normal to him, so we exchanged MSNs and started to chat. Later, I told him about Alex and he told me that he met him in person, but he didn't want to reveal any other information about him beside the fact that he's so sweet and the best person he met in this gay-world (meaning the sphere of people who are gay and are living in my country and having profile on THE site). But the only problem he had with him was his age and of course boldness. But didn't wanted to reveal anything else. We exchanged the phone numbers and we are still talking, he's now away during Spring Break at hometown where he doesn't have Internet, so we are basically texting each other. And he's so PERFECT for now. And after talking to him, I get totally confused about everything what happened with Alex. The V. guy told me, for example, about his fantasies when you hug someone in a bed and fall asleep like that and woke up like that. And that's my favourite part of fantasy and I even get hard when I think about that, honestly said, if you read the story, you'd probably noticed that. And he's also horny as me, and we like same things and same things turn us both :P lol And we are very alike, he also come out to his best friend (girl friend) and she's also conservative and tries to turn him back like May does with me. I didn't even saw his face picture, I just know that he's nicely built and has sexy voice :) (yeah, we talked for some short time over the phone)... And now (meaning in this moment after publishing this long post), I need to wait until my parents are gone to bed so he can call me again, and now it will be longer. And he's one year older then me and he calls me "kiddo" which is kinda sweet. And he's such a romantic, which is also one plus.

The third one will be called Mike. He's one year older then me and he's so freaking CUTE. We talked a lot and saw each other on cam. He's bit egocentric, and he has good reasons to be like that, but he can be sweet and I'm starting slowly to get to his other side. He even told me about his sexual experience with his best male friend and how that affected their friendship. It's really sad and so UNBELIEVABLE story, and really stupid one (I mean, they act stupid, keep reading and you will see), cause they both are afraid of how that will look like and how will that affect the people in their environment which is kinda sad, cause they would have something special. They know each other for 14 years, and everything started with some kiss (real kiss, tongue included) at some party while Mike's best friend was drunk, later they did oral to each other while Mike's friend was at sleepover at Mike's house. Mike is a bit macho type of guy, but he only tries to act like that, for example, he is romantic and sweet, but kinda holds that part inside, cause he's afraid that people will see his really side and that he will get hurt sometime. Something like me a bit hehe. That's why he didn't wanted to try to talk more seriously with his friend and his friend, well, I didn't hear his version of the story, but they kinda led their friendship to destruction because of that, so now they barely talk, even though they were inseparable before "the event". They were best friends, Mike's mom was mom to his friend and that goes in oposite direction. They were like brothers, but now, their friendship is slowly turning down. Mike was really broken, he even moved from country for some short time, in the process of "getting over"... It's all because you can't act freely as a gay around here. And because of this event and with everything that happened, Mike kinda became cold person. He was hurt a lot, and now he's acting like some macho guy, which is also one sad part. He's pushing people away from him, and including me, you will see why... keep reading.

Now let's go back to our (Mike's and mine) relationship or friendship :-P. We are even having a bit of flirt and yesterday he even did some striptease for me as a joke, but somehow I got the feeling that I'm boring to him and that I chase him, he's not that interested in me. He's still in process of "getting over" with his best friend, or at least I get that feeling. Don't know! We'll see, like I said he's cold and pushing me away from him, maybe unconsciously cause he was so hurt and doesn't want that to happen again. I will try to talk to him about this subject, maybe even tonight if he's online at MSN...

OK, so now you know why I feel like slut. I'm kinda teasing all three, but not entirely, the V. guy knows that I will see Alex and he's still insisting in conversation, like he knows that I will get disappointed with Alex, and Mike is kinda "cold" but still sweet, so even if something happens with him, it won't be any time soon.

For now, I will see Alex, I owe him that much, he will get his third chance and if I don't like him, I will go for V. guy and see how he looks like in person and if that goes wrong, there is Mike, LOL. OMG, am I that mean? All I know is that the moment of me having my first boyfriend is coming very soon. Am I egocentric? Now I feel so like someone who is using people and it's not good feeling. I need to stop, that's why I erased the profile at that site. And I need to figure this out and choose the one who is really for me... I'm so confused, but this time not sexually :-) And doing all this flirting and chatting with boys feels kinda even better then with girls, cause I always feels that I'm lying girls when I flirt with them.

And something else is happening. The feelings toward Simone is starting to returning back. And I don't like that. Recently, we are meeting each other more then previous year and I don't think that I'm that over her. And we started to talk a bit about our "past" over the Facebook today which also tickled my imagination.

Man, I'm so fucked up!!! I need a break...

Ok, that's all for now. Sorry if I'm being too boring and good news is that I will start reading all the blogs I didn't read in quite some time... So blogosphere, I'm coming back, at least for the April!

See ya and thanks for reading!

Tomorrow, I will publish another HUGE post with ALL the answers to your question... Thanks one more time for asking. I hope that everything is going well with you, my readers...

OK, see ya, now for the last time, I need to send a message to V. so he can call me :))) I will hear his sexy voice one more time, awww.