OK, I decided after all to write the full story about my first official gay date now and not tomorrow, because I have some amazing thing for tomorrow, and it really is amazing (well, actually Sunday already started for me, so I will publish today two posts). I just wished to publish this post first because the other one is better, I think at least. I’m so excited.
Considering my studies, this week was really hard, I had like 3 tests until now and that left me more 5 to go. It will be tough but I will do my best.
Okay, so here we go… You all know that I’m hanging a lot at some gay online dating site, because that’s probably my only way to find someone here. So soon after I stopped writing and I took little break from blogging, I started to talk to one guy. I usually talk to a lot boys over there, but I don’t do anything special, I just try to find some information about gay related stuff and gay life in my city and yeah, I heard a lot of stories and hear a lot of experience of another gays in my country, that’s all. I never made courage to come and met some guy in person.
So let’s get back to that boy. He was really amazing, he is one year younger than me and he was really communicative and had a lot more experience than me. There was something I really liked about him, I couldn’t explain. He was very direct and talked a lot of stuff I wanted to hear, to be honest. And then after two three conversations through MSN he simply gave me his Facebook account and I checked him (with some fake profile I know) and he really seemed like nice and the guy who won’t lie about himself (and you know that on dating sites there is a lot of fake profiles, people who don’t show their real faces etc). We even have a lot in common, for example, we both like to ride bicycle like crazy, and that was our first conversation, when he contacted me he sent me image of himself riding bicycle so we started conversation on that subject.
And then he begged. Well, not exactly, but he was very persistent to talking me into coming and meeting with him in person somewhere in city. And I liked him a lot, so I promised that maybe I will somewhere in the future. And I was really busy with my birthday organization (yeah, I turned 20, so like I’m now in my third decade, shit, I feel old now)… But never mind that, after birthday craziness, he convinced me to go on a date on Wednesday 10th of March and I agreed. I thought a lot and I decided to try this to be more “out” because I was really pressured with all this happening in my head, so I needed some filter. We even exchanged numbers and I gave him my real one.
When I told May, she was really against that, because she was afraid for me, she thought that I would end beaten up or something worse, and later I realised that she’s maybe against all what I’m feeling. Even if she knows about me, she is bit conservative girl and maybe this is too much for her. I know that she would never say this to anybody. She’s maybe kind of disgusted with the idea of me having anal sex, but that’s some other subject, which I will try to write about soon. And she’s even busier than me with school so we don’t talk too much these past few days, because we are on different Faculties. But I plan to talk more with her on this subject but I will take it slow, because she has her own problems, with University and boys and stuff, so I will be only the person who hears her and later I will mention this. I don’t want to pressure her too much.
OK, let’s get back to the main subject, I’m really making this long post. Wednesday came and the day before I felt very nervous. I decided to be loyal to my word, so I didn’t want to ditch the guy (we need some name for him, let me see, let’s call him Ian, funny name, but sounds fine, and his real name starts with an ‘I’, that’s why, and I just choose the first name under ‘I’ at babynames.com). That day it was snowing really badly, we even had blizzard and snow and wind all together mixed up. It was really awful night and I made him come near my Faculty and wait for me. He came bit earlier and I was really scared in one moment of a lot of guys running toward me in the intention of beating the hell out from me, but I stayed brave. Yeah, I know I can be sometimes really paranoid, but it’s only cause I hear a lot of bullshits happening to “different” people, but slowly that shit is running away from my hear, which is really great. But I realised that it couldn’t happen, because it was really cold and no one would force himself to go in the city on that cold just to beat some stupid gay guy.
He came, but he was in the station across the road and I sent him message just to cross the street and then I saw him and from the first moment I saw him I knew that nothing will happen that night nor any other night. He is really great guy, but not my type and I simply didn’t like him. I feel kind of mean because of this, but what can I do, to hook up with him only because I feel sorry for him, sorry but no. And I would really like for my first experience to get some handsome, nice and hot guy. Yeah, I’m not only dreaming, that kind of guys really exist. But that’s some other story :-)
We like walked (yeah on the cold) in the most famous park in my city, it’s really big and I choose that cause I knew that no one will be there on this cold and I was right. I was really afraid to go to some café at first. This was the first time I was doing something like this and it felt really amazing. I didn’t felt like I’m hiding myself and for the first time in my life I didn’t have to think of what I’m talking, as not to make myself the target of suspicion. It felt amazing. And he was really patient and he tolerated all of my bullshits. He understood because he was acting the same way as I on his first date. He’s really good!
And then, the cold was too much (I didn’t expect to be so fierce) and we decided that we will go to some café. We talked about some usual stuff, and just touched the subject of “difference” two or three times. We went to some really amazing café which I like so much and it’s empty during a day (I always wondered why is that because it’s really amazing café, not too much expensive and very comfortable, some romantic atmosphere etc., my favourite place, just for the record). So we sit there, and maybe it was Murphy’s Law or something, but that night the café decided to be full of people.
And while he was in the toilette I realised that I forgot to turn off silent profile on my mobile phone and then I noticed like million calls from May. She was calling like crazy because she thought that something happened to me. I called her immediately and explained her everything and apologise. She is such a good friend. And it is fortunate that it didn’t pass too much time after I met up with him, so she didn’t worry too long.
When Ian got back from toilette, we continue our conversation; the people over there didn’t stop us to talk about a lot of subject. We exchanged our experience; I told him all about D. and a bit about S. situation. He had some amazing situation, too (also with the guy name exactly like S.). And he’s very brave, because he even admitted to that guy that he’s in love with him. It’s really complicated story, I will just tell you that they remained friends and that Ian is still suspecting his S. as “different”.
So, after a lot of talk, I realised that this is probably my first gay date and then it hit me like lighting. I mean, I’m on a date, and what happens on a date, people get together, and I didn’t want to get together with Ian. I know that he won’t try anything in public (homophobic nation blah blah blah), but still what will happen after? And from that point I thought only about that “little” thing. I didn’t want him to try to kiss me or something, so we’ll get into some really weird and awkward situation.
And nothing happened (thank God), we went to the station for the buses, we were taking different ones, so we just said good bye to each other and I entered mine because it was there first.
And when I came home, after eating, I immediately published
the post. :-)
Later, we talked again on MSN and tomorrow, I told him in a fine way that I don’t like him, don’t worry, it was pleasant talk and he was really cool with it. He sent me message in Thursday to meet up in Friday again and I didn’t want to give him any false hope, because that would be even worse than this I-don’t-like-you part, so I sent him message: “Yeah, but only in a friendly way.” And he simply replied: “We can’t go differently in public, right?” and I replied: “Yeah, you’re right, but still, I don’t want that you think something…” and he simply replied: “Oh, man, don’t worry, it’s really okay if you don’t like me… Yo, you are really complicated sometimes” and then the conversation was really pleasant and normal. OMG, it was so easy and it was so nice. Sorry for retelling in this weird way, but I can’t write any better, it’s too late and I need to get some sleep.
All in all I enjoyed the whole date even I was bit stressed. And we agreed to see each other in Friday again, as friends only. He’s really great and I’m looking forward to become friends with him.
And also some interesting stuff happened today, with two guys, but only through chat. I’m getting a feeling that something will happen soon and I would really like that. Very much! My confusion will be finally over.
This is really becoming large post and I don’t want to bore you and take you too much time. That’s all for this post. Stay tuned for tomorrow, I’m answering this question: “what is your favourite fantasy when you masturbate?” and I prepared some really nice story. I’m so excited to hear your opinion, OMG I can’t wait. I need to fix all mistakes, you’ll see why.
Thank you sooooo much for reading, it really means a world to me!!!
B.
